How to Keep Your Boss from Driving You Crazy

The boss yelled at you today and it made you angry. Why did he do it?

• Maybe he and his wife are getting a divorce.
• Maybe his kids are on drugs.
• Maybe he just got arrested for drunk driving.
• Maybe something else is wrong that is even worse.

If your boss really had accused you of something that was false, of course you need to speak up. But why did it make you angry?

• You could have thought that he was out to get you and felt afraid.
• You could have thought that it was a personal put-down and felt hurt.
• You could even have thought that he was making a fool of himself and felt amused.

If your boss has a personality disorder, or is out to get you for other reasons, you need to check your own beliefs that might prevent you from keeping your cool. In addition to the ones mentioned in the link, you might have beliefs like these:

• Whenever anybody raises their voice to me, it is an attack on my personal worth.
• I secretly believe that everything should always go my way.
• My boss is one hundred percent wrong, and I are one hundred percent right.
• I always have to have my boss's approval in order to feel OK.
• If my boss started it, I am justified in pushing it to the limit, even if it costs me my job and a good reference.

In addition to these, both you and your boss might be in the habit of seeing things in ways which make them look worse than they actually are. Trying to see both sides may lead to a better understanding. Cutting your boss some slack can also leave the door open for an apology. And, if your boss really is out to get you, at least it may give you some time to look for another job.

The most important thing, however, is that you are in control of your own emotional reactions, and these come from your own beliefs and values. This is the secret to something you can change!