How Not to Let Life's Difficulties Get You Down

Do the important things -- and then take time to enjoy life!

The following list is adapted from a posting  on  www.smartrecovery.org. The difference between these statements and other types of "positive thinking" affirmations is that these statements are all true, we just don't always realize that they are! You don't get the feeling that you are merely lying to yourself, as you might if you were to try to accept a different type of affirmation such as, "I am effective and serene in social situations," when you know very well that you are not.

You simply need to go over them a few times each day in your mind until they become part of your everyday reality, much as you might repeat a set of physical exercises until you have reached the level of comfort you desire.

If your perfectionism is more than the "everyday garden variety" which we all experience at times, you may need to explore the possibility of talk therapy and/or psychotropic medication in order to obtain a satisfactory resolution.

• No one can be totally perfect.
• I'm not perfect and I never will be — tough!
• It's okay to want to do my best. Doing well does not necessarily mean being the best.
• I perform in many different roles and it is highly unlikely that I will excel in every role at all times.
• Just because I make a mistake does not mean I am a mistake.
• To be human is to err.
• The pressure I put on myself to perform perfectly is an unrealistic pressure that can actually cause me to perform worse because I will be worried and nervous.
• The pressure I put on myself to perform perfectly creates an extra source of stress that can affect me emotionally and physically.
• Trying to do my best is a reasonable goal, but it will not always be achieved.
• Few things in life are exact. Things can be done in a variety of ways and have many different solutions.
• People do not always agree on what is correct or right. Judgments are often subjective.
• I will try to set my own realistic goals, please myself, and have the strength to be creative and different in the face of others' potential disapproval.
• Our whole society is geared to expect that people will make mistakes and errors. Examples are traffic tickets, prison, consumer recalls, consumer complaints, refunds, legal suits, etc.
• True friends accept imperfection.
• Mistakes do not equal incompetence. Mistakes are just mistakes —period! 

 

  

How to Keep Your Boss from Driving You Crazy

The boss yelled at you today and it made you angry. Why did he do it?

• Maybe your boss and his wife are getting a divorce.
• Maybe his kids are on drugs.
• Maybe he just got arrested for drunk driving.
• Maybe something else is wrong that is even worse.

If your boss really had accused you of something that was false, of course you need to speak up. But why did it make you angry?

• You could have thought that he was out to get you and felt afraid.
• You could have thought that it was a personal put-down and felt hurt.
• You could even have thought that he was making a fool of himself and felt amused.

If your boss has a personality disorder, or is out to get you for other reasons, you may need to cultivate beliefs that help you to conquer anxiety and perform at your best.

You might also need to replace beliefs which lead to exaggerated feelings of self-importance, self-blame, or self-pity.

Self-Importance:

• "Whenever anybody raises their voice to me, it is an attack on my personal worth."
• "I secretly believe that everything should always go my way."
• "My boss is one hundred percent wrong, and I am one hundred percent right."
• "I always have to have my boss's approval in order to feel OK."
• "If my boss started it, I am justified in pushing it to the limit, even if it costs me my job and a good reference."

Self-Blame:

• No one makes you psychologically depressed. You do that by the things you say to yourself.
• You are not worthless even if important people in your life reject you.
• Doing badly never makes you a bad person — only imperfect.
• You have a right to be wrong.
• Guilt is created in two steps: a) You do something bad and b) you decide you're awful.
• Never blame yourself for anything. Instead, admit your responsibility for wrongdoing.
• Self-blamers are grandiose in the sense that they judge themselves more harshly than they judge others who commit similar errors.
• You can always forgive yourself since you are a) imperfect b) ignorant or c) disturbed.
• Separate the rating of your behavior from the rating of your self.

Self-Pity:

• You don't have to have everything you want. The world was not made just for you.
• Not getting your way is only disappointing or sad—not the end of the world.
• Count your blessings. You have put up with disappointments all your life; you can tolerate this one too.

Also, both you and your boss might be in the habit of seeing things in ways which make them look worse than they actually are. Trying to see both sides may lead to a better understanding. Cutting your boss some slack can also leave the door open for an apology. And, if your boss really is out to get you, at least it may give you some time to look for another job.

The most important thing, however, is that you are in control of your own emotional reactions, and these come from your own beliefs and values. This is the secret to something you can change -- although it may occasionally require the services of a trained psychologist, counselor, or social worker in order to help you to complete the process.

 

How to Get Around to Overcoming Procrastination

The following link was posted by Bill Kennedy on the discussion forum, Hypnothoughts.com. It's a very cleverly-written piece that does not require the use of hypnosis to be effective. Bill correctly points out that not everyone's experience of procrastination will be identical, and so this strategy may not work for anyone He also points out that one should not characterize the monkey in the imagery as "bad." The goal, as Bill says, is to get the monkey playing in the "Happy Playgro
und rather than in the Dark Playground."

http://waitbutwhy.com/2013/11/how-to-beat-procrastination.html

On the same forum, Barry Neale pointed out that "procrastination can often be a symptom of depression; but even if it is, the following YouTube presentation may often help https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1FJ5dkizJTs 

Finally, the following WikiHow article provides an excellent summary of how to pick up the pace when discouraging thoughts are getting in the way.  You can also concentrate more effectively on your autosuggestions by preparing the mind with various forms of meditation or self-hypnosis; but the most important thing is the thoughts themselves.

How to Overcome Procrastination Using Self Talk

from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit

We talk to ourselves all the time in our minds. Even when we're not paying attention, these relentless mental debates deeply influence our feelings and, ultimately, our behaviours and actions The good news is that if you can become aware of these mental dialogues, notice the patterns, and turn them into productive statements, then you are empowered to overcome many unwelcome feelings and behaviors. Let’s see how this can help us when it comes to procrastination.

Steps

1. Recognize the procrastinator's motto. Consider the following thought, which surely crosses our minds many times in one form or another:“I have to finish this important task. It should already be done by now and I just need to do it.”This small, seemingly innocent thought contains almost every mental block that encourages procrastination. We all use the Procrastinator’s Motto (or variations of it) every once in a while. If you’re a chronic procrastinator, chances are you repeat it to yourself very frequently — daily, perhaps.But what’s so wrong about the Procrastinator’s Motto? In what ways do these words encourage procrastination so much — and what can we do about it? Let’s consider each part of this statement in turn, replacing each of them with an empowering alternative. In doing that, we’ll turn the original motto on its head and create a productive call to action: a “Producer’s Motto”, if you like.
2. Remember that you don't 'have to' do anything. ‘I have to’ is every procrastinator’s favorite expression. It’s also the most disempowering. Every time you say to yourself that you have to do something, you imply that you don’t have any choice, that you feel forced or coerced to do the task — that you don’t really want to do it. That perception, of course, elicits a strong feeling of being victimized and resistance toward doing the task. The solution to this problem is to replace ‘I have to’ with the immensely more empowering alternative ‘I choose to’ or 'I will'. Everything you do is ultimately a choice (yes, even completing tax forms). Using language that expresses choice reminds you of that and brings the feeling of power back.
3. Focus on starting, rather than finishing. When you focus on finishing something, you direct your attention to a vague, highly idealized future. Visualizing a finished project is motivating for many people, but for someone who’s having a hard time starting a task, visualizing a hard-to-grasp future can be overwhelming — even depressing. The solution in this case, then, is not to focus on finishing, but on starting. Forget for a minute about the finish line, just concentrate on giving your first step. Bring your focus from the future to what can be done right now. We all know that if we start something enough times, we'll eventually finish the task. Starting — all by itself — is usually sufficient to build enough momentum to keep the ball rolling.[1]
4. Break a long project down into short tasks. Dwelling on the size and difficulty of a looming task will overwhelm us, and thus promote procrastination. Any undertaking, no matter how daunting, can be broken down into smaller steps. The trick is — with each step along the way — to focus solely on the next, achievable chunk of work. Ignore the big picture for a while and just tackle that next small task. Make sure you can easily visualize the outcome of your small task. Don’t write a book; write a page. If it is still intimidating, commit yourself to work on it for a specific period of time.Keep the big picture in mind, of course, but don't allow it to frighten you. Use it for motivation and direction.
5. Don't place too much pressure on yourself. “This project has to impress everyone; I really can’t blow this opportunity.” Placing such high hopes on a project only adds anxiety and fear of failure. Perfectionism fuels procrastination. Overcome this mental block by simply giving yourself permission to be human. Allow yourself to be imperfect with the next small task. You can always refine your work later. If you’re a serial perfectionist, go one step further and commit yourself to doing a sloppy job on purpose — at least at first. Instead of making every step perfect, think of them as steps toward perfection. For instance, write a page or two now, then proofread and correct them later.
6. Stop thinking about the way things 'should' be. The expression 'should' invokes blame and guilt. When you say you should be doing something (instead of what you’re actually doing), you focus on comparing an ideal reality with your current, “bad” reality. You focus not on what is, but on what could have been. Misused 'shoulds' can elicit feelings of failure, depression and regret. The solution is not to focus on how you feel now, but on how good you will feel after you begin to take action.
7. Take some directed action. Even the tiniest progress is success — moving toward a goal is the best motivator. The trick is to bring that expected feeling of accomplishment into the present — and know that the real joy of progress is only a small task away. That small step is success.Success is not the end of your task. Success is the progress that leads you to your next step.
8. Make it fun! “I’ve got to work all weekend”. “I am trapped in this laborious project”. Long periods of isolation can bring an enormous feeling of resentment. These feelings generate a strong sense of deprivation and resistance toward the task.Overcome this mental block by avoiding long stretches of work. Schedule frequent and brief breaks. Plan small rewards along the way. One idea is to work near a break area. Have something to look forward to — not far away and not at the end of a long stretch — but in the very near future. When rewards are small, frequent, and deserved, they work wonders. Truly commit to brief bursts of relaxation and leisure time. In fact, go ahead and make it mandatory. This “reverse-psychology” can, by itself, give you a more productive and enjoyable mindset.
9. Rephrase your internal dialog. Time to check what we’ve accomplished with all the word substitutions. We started with:“I have to finish this important task. It should already be done by now and I just need to do it.”And ended up with:“I choose to start this task with a small, imperfect step. I’ll feel terrific and have plenty of time for fun!” Quite a change, eh? Every time you catch yourself repeating any part of Procrastinator’s Motto to yourself, stop and rephrase it. Then check how you feel. At first, it may seem to be a simple matter of word choices. But when you try this simple way of reframing your thoughts, you’ll see how it instantly changes your attitude toward your tasks. Moreover, if you turn it into a habit, you’ll slowly reprogram your thoughts, and make a positive, permanent change in your mindset.

Tips

• You can also provide yourself with an extra measure of motivation by using the Best Me Technique of self-hypnosis to pre-experience the rewards of a long-term goal, thereby reducing or eliminating the need for "will power."
• Some other "procrastinator phrases" include:[2]
  • "I just don't really feel like doing this right now. I will do it later." And say "If it can be done tomorrow, it can be done today."
    • Say instead: “Even if I can’t get the whole thing done right now, I can start on this part.”
  • "It's no big deal if it doesn't get done."
    • Say instead: “This is important to ME, so I choose to start now.”
  • "It won't take me that long."
    • Say instead: “This may take a long time, but I choose to start now and get part of this done right away.”
  • "It's not fair."
    • Say instead: “I choose to do this.”
• Taking on a second-person view can also help. Tell yourself: "You know you’re just putting this off. Take the time right now and get started on this part. You’ll feel better and then you can take a break, or start on another small part."[3] 

• http://litemind.com/overcoming-procrastination-self-talk/ - Original source, shared with permission.

1. ↑ This is what Mark Forster calls the “I’ll just get the file out” technique.
2. ↑ http://livingwelltools.com/procrastination.htm
3. ↑ http://www.catalystorganizing.com/articles/Later_Never_Comes.pdf

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