How Not to Let Life's Difficulties Get You Down

Do the important things -- and then take time to enjoy life!

The following list is adapted from a posting  on  www.smartrecovery.org. The difference between these statements and other types of "positive thinking" affirmations is that these statements are all true, we just don't always realize that they are! You don't get the feeling that you are merely lying to yourself, as you might if you were to try to accept a different type of affirmation such as, "I am effective and serene in social situations," when you know very well that you are not.

You simply need to go over them a few times each day in your mind until they become part of your everyday reality, much as you might repeat a set of physical exercises until you have reached the level of comfort you desire.

If your perfectionism is more than the "everyday garden variety" which we all experience at times, you may need to explore the possibility of talk therapy and/or psychotropic medication in order to obtain a satisfactory resolution.

• No one can be totally perfect.
• I'm not perfect and I never will be — tough!
• It's okay to want to do my best. Doing well does not necessarily mean being the best.
• I perform in many different roles and it is highly unlikely that I will excel in every role at all times.
• Just because I make a mistake does not mean I am a mistake.
• To be human is to err.
• The pressure I put on myself to perform perfectly is an unrealistic pressure that can actually cause me to perform worse because I will be worried and nervous.
• The pressure I put on myself to perform perfectly creates an extra source of stress that can affect me emotionally and physically.
• Trying to do my best is a reasonable goal, but it will not always be achieved.
• Few things in life are exact. Things can be done in a variety of ways and have many different solutions.
• People do not always agree on what is correct or right. Judgments are often subjective.
• I will try to set my own realistic goals, please myself, and have the strength to be creative and different in the face of others' potential disapproval.
• Our whole society is geared to expect that people will make mistakes and errors. Examples are traffic tickets, prison, consumer recalls, consumer complaints, refunds, legal suits, etc.
• True friends accept imperfection.
• Mistakes do not equal incompetence. Mistakes are just mistakes —period! 

 

  

Shakespeare, the Dalai Lama, and the Serenity Prayer

The traditional Eastern view of life may be summed up as follows:

The Western view, on the other hand, might be expressed in the words of Shakespeare:

To be or not to be, that is the question.

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to bear the slings and arrows of an outrageous fortune,

Or to take up arms against a sea of troubles

And, by opposing, end them.

A modern version of this view is expressed in the following video:  

Who is right? If we were never willing "to take up arms against a sea of troubles," slavery would still exist, wives would always remain submissive to abusive husbands, and democracy would never have come into existence. On the other hand, for a small child growing up in an alcoholic and abusive home, a person toiling in dead-end jobs with no hope of getting another one, a prisoner serving a life sentence, or a patient in a hospice with a terminal illness, their only hope may be to turn inward in the quest for happiness and inner peace. 

For most of us, one answer may be appropriate in one situation or time in life, while the other answer may be appropriate at another time. I once had a Buddhist client with multiple  personalities, who told me that in Tibetan Buddhism you choose your parents according to what they can teach you. "I must have had to learn an awful lot," she told me. She sure did!  

A practical guide to making the appropriate choice is suggested in the following "Serenity Prayer" by theologian Reinhold Niebuhr, which has been adopted by Alcoholics Anonymous and other twelve-step organizations:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

Love Your Enemy -- It'll Drive Him Crazy!

I like to keep the following quote by Max Ehtmann handy to cut and paste as a reply whenever I am "jumped" by a Facebook Bully or simply whenever somebody says something that is barking mad! 

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence 

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others,even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter,for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. 

Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is. Many persons strive for high ideals,and everywhere life is full of heroism. 

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love;for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. 

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

 Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you,no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy,