Don E. Gibbons, Ph.D., NJ Licensed Psychologist #03513
This Blog is published for information and educational purposes only. No warranty, expressed or implied, is furnished with respect to the material contained in this Blog. The reader is urged to consult with his/her physician or a duly licensed mental health professional with respect to the treatment of any medical or psychological condition.

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The New Center for Counseling and Psychotherapy, LLC

The New Center for Counseling and Psychotherapy, LLC, is located at 675 Route 72 E Manahawkin, NJ 08050. Telephone us at(609)709-2043 and (609) 709-0009.Take Mill Creek Road South, just off Route 72, on the road to Beach Haven West.After about 400 feet, turn right into the office complex of Greater Coastal Realty. Then turn right and go past the Lyceum Gyn. Continue on to the Prudential Zack Building. We. are the last office at the end. We accept Medicare and most other major insurance.Weekend and evening office hours are avalable.

Saturday, November 7, 2015

Activities Which Help You Get off the Merry-Go-Round

"The world is so full of such a number of things,
I am sure we should all be as happy as kings."
                       --Robert Louis Stevenson
The following list of activities, based on the one at at www.smartrecovery.org, can serve as a starting point for getting off the merry-go-round of loneliness, anxiety, lethargy, depression, and despair. You can use these activities as a springboard for suggesting others. They can also strengthen the bond between you and one or more friends or partners when you do them together. As much as possible, surround yourself with positive, upbeat people -- and get moving!

• ACADEMIC PURSUITS (Self-help Books, Workshops, Lectures, Skills-learning, Career Development).
• CHORES AND USEFUL TASKS (such as Cleaning, Cooking, Dishwashing, Ironing, Sewing).
• EXERCISES (such as Jogging, Nautilus, Walking, Aerobic Dancing, Stretching orAerobic Exercises, Shadow Boxing, Skipping Rope, Yoga, Weightlifting).
• FOOD ACTIVITIES (such as Baking, Cooking, Barbecuing, Preparing Gourmet Meals, Shopping for Food).
• GAMES (such as Bridge, Checkers, Chess, Go, Jigsaw Puzzles, Monopoly, Poker, Online games, Scrabble, Crosswords, Anagrams).
• GRAPHIC ARTS (such as Cartooning, Drawing, Lettering, Mechanical Drawing, Painting, Photography, Silkscreening).
• HANDICRAFT ACTIVITIES (such as Basketmaking, Bookbinding, Crocheting, Embroidering, Knitting, Leatherworking, Dressmaking, Decoupage, Needlepoint).
• HUMOROUS ACTIVITIES (such as Cartooning, Improvisation Games, Charades, Jesting, Joke-making, Playing Practical Pranks and Jokes, Punning).
•MARTIAL ARTS (Akido, Jujitsu, Judo, Karate, Fencing, Wrestling).
• OUTDOORS ACTIVITIES AND SPORTS (such as Birdwatching, Gardening, Crabbing, Fishing, Canoeing, Sailing, Hunting, Walking, Ice-skating, Skiing, Rowing, Hiking).
• PERFORMING ARTS (such as Dancing, Ballet, Mime, Acting, Improvisation, Modern Dance, Tap Dance, Singing).
• READING (Fiction, Novels, Plays, Poems, Nonfiction).
• SCIENTIFIC ACTIVITIES (such as Anatomy, Biology, Herpetology, Physics, Medicine, Zoology, Anthropology, Psychology, Sociology).
• SOCIALIZING (Conversing, Group Activities, Attending or Giving Parties, Rap Sessions).
• SPECTATING (watching Movies, Plays, Sports, Pageants, Circuses).
• SPORTS (such as Baseball, Basketball, GQlf, Gym, Football, Hockey, Dancing, Tennis, Skating, Running, Volleyball).
• STUDYING ACADEMIC SUBJECTS (such as Art History, History, Language, Math, Music, Science, Social Science).
• TRADES AND CRAFTS (such as Bricklayer, Builder, Carpenter, Foreman, Factory Worker, Gardener, Mechanic, Machinist, Police Officer).
• VENTING FEELINGS (such as Punching Pillows, Yelling, Talking, Writing, Expressing Good Feelings).
See also the book by R. Schwartz, and E. Braff entitled, We're no fun anymore: Helping couples cultivate joyful marriages through the power of play. New York: Routledge Taylor & Francis Group, 2012.

Additional Links Which May be Helpful:

Albert Ellis has put together a list of wrong ideas that are driving you crazy because they set us up for failure and disappointment ahead of time. They are all false, but many of us are inclined to at least occasionally believe some of them. Take a look at this list and see if you are inclined to agree with any of them, at least part of the time. You can get rid of these irrational ideas by recognizing and eliminating them.



 A Greek philosopher once said, "Men are disturbed not by events, but by the views which they take of them." This is a list of wrong perceptions that are driving you crazy. See how many of these thought patterns might be clouding your own view of the world, by causing you to look at life "through mud-colored glasses." If you are inclined to look at things this way yourself, once you recognize that they are not accurate, you can get rid of them, too.

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Romantic Love, Hyperempirria, and the Power of Suggestion

  


It wasn't always this beautiful! Professor Irving Singer, in a free online MIT course entitled, Philosophy of Love in the Western world, states that romantic love as we know it today was practically unheard of in Western culture until it became popularized by wandering French troubadors eight hundred years ago, and further amplified by the invention of the printing press, which publicized the great works of romantic literature such as Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet and Antony and Cleopatra ("Hark! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the East, and Juliet is the Sun!" or,"Shall I abide in this dull world which , in thy absence, is no better than a stye?*).

With this model held up for all to see, the prevailing expectations of what it feels like to be "in love" evolved in an ever more extreme direction. For many years, one way to write a new hit song was to describe the experience of being in love in more glowing terms than the songs which were popular at the moment. The reviewer of the 1955 movie, Love is a Many Splendored Thing, writing in The Independent on February 8, 2010, stated: "Remember the lyric: 'Once, on a high and windy hill, two lovers kissed, and the world stood still. . . .' It still makes my knees weak."  Today, as products of a culture which glorifies romantic love, we tend to view human experience through these cultural lenses, and choose bits from history which confirm these stereotypes. However, anthropologists are fond of pointing out that after a few years, couples who marry for love are just about as happy as couples who tie the knot in cultures where marriages are arranged. 


The power of suggestion can do more than simply make you feel weak in the knees. In Victorian times, women were considered to be such delicate creatures that they were expected to faint if the air in a room suddenly became stuffy, or if they were suddenly and unexpectedly kissed by someone to whom they had become attracted -- and many did! 

The effect of suggestion and imitation in producing such a high degree of organismic involvement became more dramatically evident shortly after World War II, when the young crooner Frank Sinatra caused legions of teen-age "bobby-soxers" to swoon when he hit his high notes. It is therefore possible to conclude that the experience of "falling in love" as we know it today, and all that goes with it, is also an effect of social modeling and the power of suggestion. 


Suggestion has the power to teach behavior as well as to change it. In 1933, Herbert Blumer found that when moviegoing reached its height, many people said that they first learned how to kiss by watching motion pictures. Many people probably still pick up  a few pointers occasionally, both from motion pictures themselves and from many YouTube compilations.


Remember Romeo and Juliet, and Antony and Cleopatra? We now have searchable data bases of Internet pornography such as XNXX, YouPorn, and FetLife, which contain literally millions of items, and almost anyone in the world can upload to them. The entries are frequently ranked in terms of populatiry, so that the submissions which are viewed most often rise to the top. Some of these data bases require no fees, passwords, or proof of age, and are supported entirely by advertising.


Will today's teen-agers and young adults learn sexual behavior by watching porn, in much the same manner that people of earlier generations learned how  to kiss by watching motion pictures? If the past is any guide, it would not be unreasonable to expect that the almost unlimited access to free Internet pornography in the Twenty-First Century will enable imitation and the power of suggestion to modify the way couples both engage in and experience sexual behavior, in much the same way that the invention of the printing press centuries before influenced the manner in which people engage in and experience romantic love. This time, however, the changes will depend not upon the imagination of a few gifted writers and balladeers, but upon the pooled experience of the entire human race. 


If we are inded in the midst of such a profound cultural change, and if one picture is worth a thousand words, then to quote from the movie, All About Eve, "Hold on to your seat belts. It's going to be a bumpy night!" 

Having grown up in a culture which accepts the reality of romantic love, I believe that the emerging sub-culture of sexting and internet pornography has its priorities reversed. Magazines are full of pictures of women who could technically be described as beautiful. But beauty is "only skin deep," as my mother used to say. You do not love a woman becuse she is beautiful. A woman is beautiful because she is loved! When a woman is truly loved, physical beauty becomes irrelevant.-- and of course, similar sentiments can be expressed for men and for same-sex couples as well. 

Anthropologists frequently point out that a few years down the road, people who marry for romantic love are just about as happy or unhappy as a couple who ties the knot in a culture in which arranged marriages are the norm.  If you and your loved one have come to share experiences of rapture, ecstasy, wonder, and delight, only to return to a life of bills to pay, appointments to keep, and an endless list of other things which simply have to be done, the strength of your affection will eventually begin to wane, regardless of how dramatic the results might have been initially. If, on the other hand, you return to an environment in which romance comes ahead of everything else, and the first priority is the quality time you spend with each other, then the joys you share together can take on near-sacramental qualities as the couple consecrates itself to one another anew, and the honeymoon becomes a permanent way of life.


------------------------------------------------

Hyperempiria, or suggestion-enhanced experience, also plays a major role in events as varied as having an orgasm,  coming under the sway of a totalitarian dictator, being saved in a revival meeting,or experiencing the "sleeping" form of hypnosis,




Bibliography

Gibbons, D. E. (2000). Applied hypnosis and hyperempiria. Lincoln, NE: Authors Choice Press (originally published 1979 by Plenum Press).

Gibbons, D. E. & Lynn, S. J. (2010). Hypnotic inductions: A primer. in S. J. Lynn, J. W. Rhue, & I. Kirsch (Eds.) Handbook of clinical hypnosis, 2nd ed. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association, pp. 267-291.



Thursday, September 10, 2015

How to Control Pain and Suffering



By heightning and enhancing our internal
states, we can learn to manage
the experience of pain.
As Susan French has pointed out, ". . .everything that we do [as hypnotists] has to do with directing attention from thoughts and perceptions that have negative effects to more positive states and perceptions. What results is not only changing a habit of thinking but creates the release of brain/body chemicals that support the state where the attention rests." By heightening and enhancing our internal states, we can have experiences which we are not capable of in everyday life, but which are just as "real" to us -- if not more so -- than if they were, with predictable effects on our personal lives.

I recently had a client who suffered from chronic pain and post-traumatic stress disorder from a near-fatal automobile accident. He had been prescribed several pain medications, which were not always effective. I saw him weekly at his home. I used a traditional hypnotic induction, using suggestions of deep-muscle relaxation, followed by repeated deepening combined with suggestions of anesthesia and well-being, with post-hypnotic suggestions that the effects would continue. I also taught him self-hypnosis in order to prolong the effects of these suggestions between visits. He reported generally good results with these procedures, but he still needed his prescription medication. Even then, he stated that the inductions were sometimes not completely effective in removing all of his discomfort.

One day, his wife said to me, "We sure could have used you last week, Doc. Nothing seems to be working, and the pain is as bad as ever." I knew I had to devise an especially effective induction, so I told them about hyperempiria, indicating (as a "waking suggestion") that was a new and especially powerful technique which would enable him to experience higher states of awareness while his body remained asleep, thereby focusing his mind more effectively on the suggestions I provided. He was interested, and eager to try any new procedure which might bring about greater relief.

As the induction proceeded, I asked him him to picture himself relaxing deeply in the basket of a large balloon, which was about to lift off. As the balloon began straining at the ropes which held it, his body was sinking deeper and deeper into a deep, sound sleep. And as the balloon began to rise, his consciousness would rise along with it, until he entered hyperempiria. I elaborated upon this combined induction until he appeared to become highly involved with my suggestions, and then proceeded with my suggestions for healing and pain control.

The client later reported that his pain had considerably lessened. I showed him how to include autosuggestions for heightened awareness into his self-hypnosis routine, and his wife subsequently told me, "I often see him going upstairs in the middle of the day, and when I ask him where he is going, he tells me, 'I'm going for a balloon ride!'"

The client and his wife have remained in occasional contact. In our most recent telephone conversation, two years after hyperempiric suggestions were incorporated into his self-hypnosis routine, the client reported that although some pain sensations remained after taking his medication, the combination of prescribed medication plus hypnotic and hyperempiric suggestions together provided the greatest amount of relief.



I am not asking you to practice denial, like the band on the Titanic, which continued to play as the ship was sinking instead of seeking seats one of the few available lifeboats. Instead, we need to make the most of each passing moment as we go on living our lives regardless of the circumstances, and not to catastrophize and feel sorry for ourselves when we begin to experience  our own inevitable Untergang.

Sarah Grabke, in a posting on March 10, 2013, w rote a posting on pain control in her Blog, which is partially quoted here wuth ipermission:
Pain is a messenger. Normally it wants to tell us, "Take better care of yourself!" or "Change something! The way it is now is not good for you!" These are important signals, which shouldn't be ignored under any circumstances. This is why I suggest to everybody not to shut down all the pain. That's often not necessary anyway. We all can go on good with a certain amount of pain and ignore that. But please not for long! That would be unhealthy and unreasonable.A messenger wants to be heard and requires that something be done, changed. This should be respected under all circumstances! 
Hypnosis Salad is an organization which gives hypnosis seminars. On YouTube there's a video with Michael Watson, where he talks with lots of humor about an effective method of pain control which a friend of his used. Here are two of the main points in his video about pain: Pain is so uncontrollable because we think of it as uncontrollable, and, at the given moment, pain seems endless. 
The method Michael Watson describes is so simple and clever. You take the pain and turn it into a symbol (maybe also a color), and hold this symbol in your hand. Then you throw it into a bin, or flush it down the toilet, or whatever. Why is it a clever method? Well, by turning the pain into a symbol, you change the sensory perception. It's a feeling changed into something visual. By placing the symbol in your hand, it's away from its original place (Except it's a pain in the hand, of course. Although, Even if that's the case, it would be a change from a feeling in a part of the body to a symbol you can see and hold in the hand.) What did you do there? Taking control through giving a change of shape and location and change of sensory perception! The endlessness stops when we throw away the symbol. 
I personally placed a symbol in my hand only one or two times. What I do is my own variation, Let's assume it's a headache. I imagine it's a geometrical shape with edges or spikes, which could give me the kind of pain in my head that I have at the moment. Often it's something like a polygon or something thorny, A color may or may not come with the symbol for everyone. For me, the shape often comes with a sort of yellow or green. The color is there without me thinking about one. I keep the shape in my head and imagine it go change into a ball, A ball has no edges, so they can't cause pain. Because of Erickson, The color purple is special for me, and has a calming effect. So the ball turns purple. Often what I do is imagine my whole head in a light purple, transparent ball, Like my head is in a goldfish bowl,  
Simply by having to concentrate on something which you see in your head is distraction by itself and changes the intensity. One advice if you're working with colors too. Pick a color that's far enough away from the pain color. For example, if your color is blue purple will be rather close to that color One time I told my dad about this method, and he suggested to take the complimentary color. I never did that. I keep forgetting about it, because purple is my color of choice automatically, or sometimes blue. Also, one needs to know which color the complimentary color is. (Interestingly enough, it fits for me with yellow-green and purple already,) 
Like I said, you should keep a little bit of pain. It happens for me that at Be point I don't have to concentrate on the purple ball anymore, and I just keep doing what I do at that moment, The headache is gone by itself then, So it is often enough to make the pain less  but not delete it altogether, 
   
Print Sources 

Gibbons, D. E. (2001). Experience as an art form. .New York, NY: Authors Choice Press.

Gibbons, D. E. (2000). Applied hypnosis and hyperempiria. Lincoln, NE: Authors Choice Press (originally published 1979 by Plenum Press).

 Gibbons, D. E., & Lynn, S. J. (2010). Hypnotic inductions: A primer. in S. J. Lynn, J. W. Rhue, & I. Kirsch (Eds.) Handbook of clinical hypnosis, 2nd ed. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association, pp. 267-291.



  

Saturday, September 5, 2015

Hyperempiria for Improving Psychic Abilities

"The cave you fear to enter
holds the treasure that you seek." -- Joseph Campbell
Experientially gifted individuals who are also high in psychic ability may be more easily able to exercise or regain these powers when suggestions of a mystical nature are provided for transcending the boundaries of space and time, and which restore a basic sense of trust with the Universe. 

Now that we are able to induce mystical experiences at will, some striking singularities have been noted by my clients and by others with whom I have corresponded; and this appears to be a fruitful area for future investigation. Jessica Bergkvist said, "I have known many people (myself included) who remember having some kind of 'supernatural' ability as a child (visions, seeing energy/auras, going out of body, feeling 'bad vibes,' dreams that came true). Many dismiss it as having had an "over-active imagination" because that is what they were told (as if imagination were a bad thing...) by the adults in their lives. Sometimes they dismiss the whole idea of it because they were taught (by religious teachers/parents) that it was 'wrong' or the 'work of the devil, or that they are merely exhibiting symptoms of schizophrenia. 'Whatever their reasons for suppressing their natural abilities, I have seen some powerful changes happen in people's lives when they (through hypnosis) remember that they have these abilities and learn to trust themselves, God, and the Universe. One client I worked with on this was very afraid of her intuitive feelings due to some religious issues. When she finally learned to trust that it was a gift from God, her abilities began to grow quickly. Today, she is a full time psychic reader (and a very accurate and popular one...)."

Trust does seem to provide the key in the lock. The culture is full of warnings about the dangers which we expose ourselves to when our psychic abilities suddenly outstrip the limitations of our intelligence. Adam and Eve were expelled from the Garden of Eden for eating of the fruit of the tree of knowledge because, "Ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil." In Greek mythology, Icarus fell to his death when, exulting in his new-found power of flight, he ignored his father's warnings and flew too near the sun, which melted his wings. Shakespeare's MacBeth trusted in the accurate predictions of the witches, only to be impaled on the sword of his enemy. In Ibsen's classic horror tale, "The Monkey's Paw," each successive owner of this grisly relic was destroyed by the magical powers which it conveyed upon them. And even in the realm of humor, the laughable consequences of what happens when someone finds a bottle and releases the genie trapped inside are too numerous to mention.

On the other hand, there are also numerous reports of people who are reported to have overcome the fear of using their psychic powers due to the presence of special factors:
  • Children as a group frequently tend to score well on ESP tests, because their innocence protects them from a realization of the risks involved;
  • In trivial situations, such as "knowing" when we are about to get a parking place, or in occasionally picking the winners of a horse race which we have not bet on, there is actually little risk of being right too often;
  • In a crisis, when a loved one is dying, the emotional bond may be strong enough to overcome our fear; 
  • In religious contexts, where the saints and mystics of every persuasion have been able to overcome their fear with perfect faith, perfect trust, and perfect love.
  • Psychics or a fortune tellers often run little personal risk, because their predictions are made about the lives of someone else. 
  • Belief that we are experiencing a past, parallel, or future lifetime in hyperempiria essentially renders us safe from harm if there is sufficient trust in the suggestion-guide, because it removes us from out present existence.
Of course, we aren't just sitting there quaking in fear at the prospect of using our psychic abilities. It all takes place beneath the level of conscious awareness. The practical use of psychc power is balanced against the unconscious fear of the consequences of doing so because of the limitations of human intelligence. But, as the Scriptures say, "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love." (John 4:18). When this basic trust in God, in oneself, and in the Universe can be created or restored through "hyperempiria, or suggestion-enhanced experience, this may be one way to create or restore the psychic ability to change your life and get the things you want.. As Marianne Williamson put it,
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?" Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
But how can we not doubt in our heart, in the face of heart-breaking tragedy, and when an array of enemies is arranged against us? We can always believe in the power of love, if it can be sufficiently refined and focused. And, since the saints and mystics of all the major religions say much the same thing, this faith need not be expressed in exclusively Christian terms. 

Recently, Lenny Cavallaro and I have been suggesting to clients in hyperempiria that they are being transported to an alternate universe where time and space do not exist. After orienting them to this universe and inducing emotions which a as pleasant as possible -- i.e., "dissolvng  into an ocean of infinite, unbounded, and everlasting love" to maximize trust and confidence,  we provide suggestions such as the following. "with practice, you will be able to feel this kind of fulfillment whenever you put your whole self into working towards a goal you have chosen. Believe it will happen, expect it to happen, and feel it hapening! With sufficient encouragement and sustained training, you iwill become able to act, think, and feel as if it were impossible to fail!" But, as I have learned from personal experience, the object our love must be sufficiently advanced beyond the apelike creatires who gave us birth to be worthy of it, or our efforts will come to naught.

Print Sources 

Gibbons, D. E. (2001). Experience as an art form. .New York, NY: Authors Choice Press.

Gibbons, D. E. (2000). Applied hypnosis and hyperempiria. Lincoln, NE: Authors Choice Press (originally published 1979 by Plenum Press).

 Gibbons, D. E., &; Lynn, S. J. (2010). Hypnotic inductions: A primer. in S. J. Lynn, J. W. Rhue, & I. Kirsch (Eds.) Handbook of clinical hypnosis, 2nd ed. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association, pp. 267-291.




Friday, September 4, 2015

Were You Saved or Were you Hypnotized?

(This posting is adapted from Gibbons, D. E., & De Jarnette, J. (1972) Hypnotic susceptibility and religious experience. Journal for the Scientific Study of Religion, 11, pp. 152-166.)

If you don't respond well to suggestion,
then you won't have a "Salvation" experience.
And if you don't have a "Salvation" experience,
then no matter what else you do, you won't get into Heaven!
Carrollton, Georgia, is a small to medium-sized city located approximately fifty-five miles west of Atlanta. It is regarded by both students and townspeople as being part of the "Bible belt," and most (though certainly not all) of the churches in the area had a Fundamentalist Christian orientation. Fundamentalists take quite literally the scriptural statement, "For by grace are ye saved, through faith, and that not of yourselves. It is the gift of God, lest any man should boast" (Ephesians 2: 8-9). The "salvation sermon" first leads the prospective convert to feel the tremendous burden of guilt which one bears for one's past misdeeds and failure to repent; and this is followed by a great wave of joy as the convert feels his or her sins being "washed away" and is "born again" as a "new creature in Christ."

This salvation experience, however, is not considered to be voluntarily attainable, since it is the result of  "grace," or the unmerited favor of God. Should an individual seek to join a particular Fundamentalist congregation merely because one is convinced of the truth of Christian teachings, many members would be inclined to doubt that he or she is truly a member of the "elect of God" and, not being able to have such an experience, is probably fore-ordained to burn in Hell regardless of what kind of life one may be leading.


From a scientific point of view, it may be postulated that the degree to which an individual is able to have a salvation experience such as the one described is a function of the degree to which that person is suggestible, and that there is therefore a direct relationship between the ability to be "saved" and the ability to be hypnotized. (Gibbons & DeJarnette, 1972; Gibbons, 1988). After giving a questionnaire to our high and low responders on the Harvard Group Scale of Hypnotic Susceptibility (Shor & Orne, 1962) concerning the nature of their personal religious experiences, we found that there was no significant relationship between hypnotic susceptibility and a previous change in denominational preference, or between susceptibility and the perceived religiousness of one's father. However, the low-susceptible subjects were less likely to perceive their mother as being moderately religious or deeply religious. Compairing high- and low-susceptible "saved" Protestants with high- and low-susceptible "unsaved" Protestants, the "saved" group contained significantly more subjects who were highly susceptible to hypnosis.


In follow-up interviews, the reasons for the differences between high and low-suggestible subjects became glaringly apparent. The high susceptibles said things like, "I began to feel a warm tingling glow inside of me. The next thing I knew, I was down in front of the altar, and I was crying," or, "It was like the Hand of God came down and touched me. I felt so happy. I never felt joy like I felt it that day." But when the few low-susceptibles who indicated that they had been "saved" were asked about their experience, they said things like, "I had been going to that church for about six months, mainly because my girl friend went there, but I never 'went forward.' Then one day the preacher accepted all those who had accepted the Lord to put up our hands, and we both put our hands up and that was it."


Hyperempiria, or suggestion-enhanced experience, also plays a significant role in experiences as varied as falling in love, having an orgasm, coming under the sway of a totalitarian dictator, or exploring an alternate universe.  

 Print References


Gibbons, D. E. (2001). Experience as an art form. New York, NY: Authors Choice Press.


Gibbons, D. E. (2000). Applied hypnosis and hyperempiria. Lincoln, NE: Authors Choice Press (originally published 1979 by Plenum Press). 

Gibbons, D. E. (1988) Were you saved or were you hypnotized? The Humanist, pp. 17-19. 

Gibbons, D. E. (1987, August). Were you saved or were you hypnotized? Paper presented at the joint conference of the American Humanist Association and the Humanist Association of Canada, Montreal. 


Gibbons, D. (1988, June). Hypnotic susceptibility and the salvation experience. Paper presented at the meeting of the International Society for Professional Hypnosis, Houston, TX. 


Gibbons, D. (1988, March). Were you saved or were you saved or were you hypnotized? Paper presented at the meeting of the International Society for Professional Hypnosis, Atlantic City, NJ. 


Gibbons, D. E. & De Jarnette, J. (1972). Hypnotic susceptibility and religious experience. Journal for the Scientific Study of Religion, 11(2), pp. 152-156. 


Sarbin, T. R. (1998) Believed-in Imaginings. New York: Barnes & Noble. 


Shor, R., & Orne, E. C. (1962). The Harvard Group Scale of Hypnotic Susceptibility. Palo Alto, CA: Consulting psychologists pres



Wednesday, September 2, 2015

The Secret Inside"The Secret"

The central theme of the book, "The Secret," is that we create our own reality by "the law of attraction." If we send forth positive thoughts, then we attract positive events to us; and if we send forth negative thoughts, then we attract negative events. But if we really do create our own reality by sending forth positive or negative thoughts, then this effect should be apparent not only in individuals, but also in groups, in historical trends, and in society as a whole. Therefore, we should be able to examine the validity of "the law of attraction" by examining the degree to which it operates in these other areas of experience. But does it? I have listed below the comments which my friend Roy Hunter reports as having been made to individuals who are suffering from cancer and other maladies which should also operate according to "the law of attraction," and taken the liberty of constructing a reply to them.   
  • What did you do to attract cancer in the first place? What about all those people who get cancer because they are living in an area where there is a high level of carcinogens in the environment?
  • You have a disease consciousness. The Black Death killed between 75 and 200 million people, between 1348 and 1350. What could all those people have been thinking that caused such a plague to so suddenly come upon them?
  • You must have a karmic debt to pay off.  If you read The Diary of Anne Frank, you will get a good idea of the kind of person she was. Now consider the fate of Ann and others like her as they lay covered with lice and dying of hypothermia in a Nazi concentration camp during World War II. What did they do to bring this upon  themselves?
  • Why can’t you create enough faith to be healed? Age is a wasting disease. And the survival rate for this particular disease is zero. Has anybody crated enough faith to get out of that one?
  • Don’t you know smoking will kill you? With 99% of the same genes as our closest simian cousins, the chimpanzees, and over a century of experimental research to back them up, most psychologists agree that short-term pleasure is often more important than long-term consequences in determining our behavior, particularly when it comes to matters of addiction.
  • Fat people are out of control. An African journalist recently stated that her greatest surprise in coming to the United States was to discover that in America, thin people are rich and fat people are poor, since in her own country the reverse is true. If this is the case, how can weight be a function of one's personal discipline rather than one's culture?
  • You have a poverty consciousness. The CIA World Factbook lists the United States as twelfth in per capita income, behind such nations as Norway and Hong Kong, yet most Americans are inclined to think of themselves as the richest nation in the world. If we create our own reality, why are we not in first place?
  • "Get out of the victim trap!" Tell the survivors of Stalinist tyranny who were imprisoned in Siberia that they shouldn't have been thinking so negatively about their situation that it caused them to wind up there.
  • Why did you create this problem? The CIA World Factbook lists the United States as fiftieth from the top in infant mortality compared with other nations. Explain to the parents of the babies who died because they were not given better medical care what they or their children did to create this problem.
  • What is God punishing you for?  If God is keeping quiet about His reasons, then what is the point of punishment?
  • If “The Secret” is not working for you, then you must be doing something wrong.  Maybe so!  On a recent radio interview show featuring a leading theoretical physicist who was commenting upon the latest discoveries in his field, a questioner asked him about the "law of attraction." He forcefully criticized the promulgators of this belief for misleading people, and assured the caller that the universe simply does not work that way. Perhaps what people who subscribe to this false doctrine are "doing wrong" is believing in "The Secret" in the first place!
Of course there can be negative and self-destructive attitudes within the personality which interfere with the successful accomplishment of a goal, and which contribute to the development of  psychosomatic conditions. But their operation and effects are well-documented in the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.

A more narrow, focused investigation of psychic abilities is the subject of ongoing research by the Parapsychological Association.  "an international professional organization of scientists and scholars engaged in the study of psi (or 'psychic') experiences, such as telepathy, clairvoyance, psychokinesis, psychic healing, and precognition.  The primary objective of the PA is to achieve a scientific understanding of these experiences." It also appears possible that some of these phenomena may be focused and directed using hyperempiria, or suggestion-enhanced experience, or by a method described by Claude Bristol in his book, The Magic of Believing, which is available free in audio format on this blog It is also available on You Tube and may be purchased in print form on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and other places, or checked out at many libraries.

One might well ask why the mind works this way, I cannot answer you from science, because in science the question "why" is unanswerable
Basically, it is not enough simply to have thoughts and images, as advocated in The Secret. You also have to have intention. In order to believe it, you have to believe in it. And in order to believe in it, you can have no room for doubt in your heart.  Believe it will happen, expect it to happen, and feel it happening! A tall order, but IMHO that is "the secret!"


Almost every major religion has its saints and mystics, who have reportedly been capable of miraculous works through perfect love in the name of their faith,  To cite Christianity as one example,"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." (John 4:11) Outside of an often elusive religious context, the regular practice of hyperempiiria is one of the ways to eliminate our own fear through one overcoming it with the power of unconditional love.

Of course, these abilities are not available to everyone -- yet. But perhaps we should be talking about "The Law of Creation," rather than "the Law of Attraction!"

Sunday, August 30, 2015

How to Make Your Recorded Voice Sound Better on the Internet

For making a recording of your own voice to make available online, many people are currently using and recommending the free, open-source software called Audacity, which, despiite its initially formidable appearance, is as easy to operate as a $30 recorder that you could purchase at a drugstore.
(There is even a conference about Audacity coming up in England this July -- not bad for a free, open-source program!)

All the control buttons are in the upper left-hand corner and if you mouse over them it will show you what they do. And if you have background noise or a cheap microphone and cannot afford to rent a recording studio, not to worry.  Here are two brief You Tube videos on how to fancy up the presentation, once you get your recording done. The first one shows you how to make two simple adjustments using Audacity to produce major improvements in your presentation. In the second one, the same presenter shows you a few additional choice tricks. After using them, I no longer sounded like Donald Duck with tonsillitis. (Kermit the Frog, perhaps?)








Thursday, August 27, 2015

How to Listen to Your Inner Healer

Listening to your inner healer
Here is a script for concluding the hypnotic session wich  I have found useful  for enabling the client to share in the outcome in a variety of constructive ways,

You love being hypnotized! Each time you enter hypnosis, you enter it more rapidly and more deeply. Each time you enter hypnosis,, your Best Me -- the person you are becoming --  gives you more strength to work out your issues, in many different ways and on many different levels, some of which you may already be aware of, and some of which you may not yet realize until they actually happen 
Now we will return from these higher realms of being to the everyday state of consciousness and the time and place from which we left.  
You will obtain everything you desired from this session, regardless of whether or not it was actually included in the suggestions you were given, and regardless of whether or not you were consciously aware of all of them youtself.  
 Because time passes so much more slowly in hypnosis., even though you may only have been hypnotized for only a few minutes, it can seem as if we had been gone for an eternity, and the benefits you derive from the experience will be correspondingly increased.
Regardless of how much or how little you actually remember of these higher and more powerful levels of reality, you will always recall these hypnotic sessions with fondness, even as you look forward to the next opportunity to return to them with ever increasing anticipation; for you will obtain from each session everything that you hoped to get from it, regardless of whether or not it has been specifically suggested to you.
The sound of my voice will have much the same enjoyable effect as if you were in hypnosis. For this reason, whenever you can safely do so, you will be able to listen to recording of nt voice ob the computer and it will have just the same effect as if I were actually there, hypnotizing you right then.
Tonight, you will be able to fall asleep easily, and you will have a pleasant, refreshing sleep from which you will awaken rested and refreshed, and feeling wonderful; for your Best Me is always with you, guiding your path in the way it should go. Know who you really are. Be who you really are.
 By the time I get to the count of five, you will be able to open your eyes, feeling wonderful. Your mind will be clear and alert. You will easily be able to concentrate on anything you have to do, and you are going to feel better than you have for a long, long time!
One. Getting ready to open your eyes now.
Two.
Three. Almost ready.  
Four. . . .
Five. You can open your eyes now, feeling wonderful


 

 Print Sources 

Gibbons, D. E. (2001). Experience as an art form. .New York, NY: Authors Choice Press.

Gibbons, D. E. (2000). Applied hypnosis and hyperempiria. Lincoln, NE: Authors Choice Press (originally published 1979 by Plenum Press).

Gibbons, D. E., & Cavallaro, L (2013).. Exploring alternate universes: And learning what they can teach us. Amazon Kindle E-Books. (Note: It is not necessary to own a Kindle reader to download this e-book, as the Kindle app may be downloaded free of charge to a standard desktop or laptop computer and to most cell phones.)

Gibbons, D. E., & Lynn, S. J. (2010). Hypnotic inductions: A primer. in S. J. Lynn, J. W. Rhue, & I. Kirsch (Eds.) Handbook of clinical hypnosis, 2nd ed. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association, pp. 267-291.




Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Don't Pay Through the Nose for information!

How will we know when we are on the right track In assisting our clients? the words of +Michael Ellner, The path that the people who beat the odds take does not seem to be as important as the way they walk the path that they have chosen. This is based on extensive experience assisting people with life-threatening diseases and conditions and assisting people living with medically unexplained syndromes and symptoms like chronic pain, FMS, IBS and CFS. What they do — does not seem to be as important as how they do what they do… The people who do what they do with a happy heart, peaceful mind and playful spirit seem to have the best outcomes regardless of what they are doing.

And how can therapists help them to get that way? Irving Yalom, famous for his group work, said, "It's the relationship that heals. It's the relationship that heals. It's the relationship that heals. My professional rosary." As witch doctors and medicine men have known since the dawn of pre-history, If you construct an ideology that people accept, and if you relate well enough to your clients to get them to the point that Ellner just described, it doesn't matter much what you do. Regardless of whether or not the Academic community points out that there is no scientific support for your claims , you will still be regarded in some quarters as a success. In reality, however, there is no need to spend hundreds of dollars a workshop which is primarily intended to whet your appetite tp sign up for the next one in the series, in order to eventually qualify for a pricey "certificate" which has no legal standing, and no meaning to people who have not themselves embarked on a similar training quest .

"Your Withdrawals Happily Accepted!"
Many people spend a great deal of time and money going from workshop to workshop, either to perfect their therapeutic techniques or to experience the latest trends in psychotherapy for themselves, when the success of a therapeutic intervention actually depends more on the client than it does on them. Since most of these highly-touted and pricey procedures work at least some of the time, this creates a "partial reinforcement effect" which causes people to try even more advanced workshops, in the hope that they will eventually get it perfect -- in the same way that a laboratory rat who is only rewarded occasionally will work even harder than one that is rewarded all the time. 

 It looks impressive, of course, if there is a certificate on the wall stating that you have been certified by the Great Poo-Bah or Swami Rama-Ding-a-Ling (and preferably both!). But most of us are probably not going to know who they are. In addition, empirical research has confirmed that while psychotherapy in general is effective, the relationship between therapist and client is a more important contributor to a successful outcome than whether the degree on the wall (if there is one!) indicates that the therapist has completed a Bachelor's, Master's, or Doctoral program, or the particular field in which the degree happens to be granted, or the theoretical orientation of the therapist. As Irving Yalom famously said, "It's the relationship that heals. It's the relationship that heals. It's the relationship that heals. My professional rosary!"  

With the coming of the Internet, we are going through an information revolution which is more far-reaching in its implications than the ones which occurred when steam power replaced the horse, and electricity replaced steam. I am not arguing against continuing our professional education; but one thing ought to be clear when our nearest google prompt is a lot closer and cheapter than our nearest ATM prompt. Don't pay through the nose for information! The totem poles are on fire!
 

Friday, July 17, 2015

How to Make Friends at Any Age

Many people find that they have fewer and fewer friends as they get older and old friends die or move away.  Many others have discovered that there is more to making lasting friendships than simply being a great conversationalist. The following WikiHow article has been contributed to by over 2300 people and read by over three and a half million. Here is the result of their collective wisdom.

How to Make Friends

from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit
There's a certain beauty in being a lone wolf. You have more time to do the things you want to do, like take introspective walks, read books, write and other solitary endeavors. But it's also nice to have friends. Sometimes you need that one person to talk to. You can play games, hang out or even just talk on the phone. So consider these suggestions to meet people and form strong, lasting friendships. Take your time, and don't rush.

Steps

  1. Spend more time around people. If you want to make friends, you first need to put yourself out there somehow in order to meet people. If you're still in school, sit somewhere with other people, it doesn't have to be the 'popular' table, or a crowded one, but one with at least 2 other people. Remember, friends seldom come knocking on your door while you sit at home playing computer games.
  2. Join an organization or club with people who have common interests. You don't necessarily need to have a lot of common interests with people in order to make friends with them. In fact, some of the most rewarding friendships are between two people who don't have much in common at all, but if you like a specific topic, try searching for just a location. It's a great way to meet new local people! Social networking sites such as Facebook, Twitter, BlendAbout and Google+ are great way to meet new people and learn more about the people you meet. A church, Masjid (mosque), temple or other house of worship is a great place to start since you have at least have a religious faith in common.
  3. Join a sports team. A common misconception about this is that you have to be really good at playing a particular sport in order to make friends with others on the team, but not all teams are so competitive. As long as you enjoy the sport and support your teammates, joining a local team with a laid-back attitude could be a great way to make new friends. But a sports team isn't the only way. If you play instruments or sing, try joining a band or choir.
  4. Volunteer. Volunteering is a great way for people of all ages to meet others. By working together you build bonds with people, and you might meet others who have a passion for changing things the way you do (a common cause).
  5. Talk to people. You can join a club, go to school, or go to church but you still won't make friends if you don't actually talk to people. By the same token, you don't have to be involved with an organization to be social, and any time you talk to someone, you have a chance at making a lasting friend. You can talk to anybody: the clerk at the video store, the person sitting next to you on the bus, or the person in front of you in the lunch line. Don't be too picky. Most conversations will be a dead-end of sorts, when you may never talk to that person again, or you just remain acquaintances--but once in a while you'll actually make a friend.
  6. Make eye contact and smile. If you have an unfriendly countenance, people are less likely to be receptive to your friendship. by not squinting (get some glasses), looking bored, frowning or appearing blankly deadpan, folding your arms or hanging out in a corner; such habits may make you look troubled or disinterested.
  7. Start a conversation. There are many ways to do this; a comment about your immediate environment (The weather is a classic: "At least it's not raining like last week!"), a request for help ("Can you help me carry a few boxes, if you have a minute?" or "Can you help me decide which one of these is a better gift for my mom?") or a compliment ("That's a nice car." or "I love your shoes."). Follow up immediately with a related question: Do you like this warm weather? What kinds of gifts do you normally buy for your mom? Where did you get shoes like that?
  8. Make small talk. Keep the conversation light and cheery. Even if you're complaining about something, make sure it's something you're both dissatisfied with, and emphasize the positive—how such a situation can be avoided in the future, or alternatives. Bounce a few words back and forth for a little bit. Many conversationalists say that it is good to follow a 30/70 (30% talking, 70% listening) pattern during small talk when possible.
  9. Introduce yourself at the end of the conversation. It can be as simple as saying "Oh, by the way, my name is...". Once you introduce yourself, the other person will typically do the same. Remember his or her name! If you show that you remembered things from your past conversation(s) with the person, not only will you look intelligent but he or she will see that you were paying attention and are willing to be a true friend.
  10. Initiate a get-together. You can chat your heart out but it won't get you a friend if you don't open up the opportunity for another conversation or meeting. This is especially important if you meet someone who you aren't otherwise likely to meet again. Seize the day!
  11. If you've discovered that the person you're talking to has a common interest, ask him or her more about it and, if appropriate, whether they get together with others (in a club, for example) to pursue this interest. If so, this is a perfect opportunity to ask about joining them. If you clearly express interest (when? where? can anyone come?) they'll probably invite you. If you have a club, band, church, etc. that you think they might enjoy, take the opportunity to give them your number or email address and invite them to join you.
  12. Ask them out for lunch or coffee. That will give you a better opportunity to talk and get to know each other a little bit better. A good way to extend yourself is to say: "Hey, well, I've got to go, but if you ever want to talk over lunch or coffee or anything like that, let me give you my number/e-mail address." This gives the person the opportunity to contact you; they may or may not give you their information in return, but that's fine. Maybe they don't have time for new friends—don't take it personally! Just offer your contact info to whoever seems to be potentially a good friend, and eventually somebody will get in touch.
  13. Don't do anything to pressure someone into being friends with you. Never chide acquaintances for failing to invite you to a party, for example; don't call someone repeatedly or stop by uninvited (unless you have established that stopping by unannounced is OK); and refrain from overstaying your welcome anywhere. In general, take friendship slowly, and don't try to force intimacy to grow quickly; the move from acquaintance to friend can take a long time. It's understandable to want more of a good thing, but try to err on the side of less. If you are not sure about the pace of your new friendship, check in with your friend and ask directly. Too much, too fast can be scary or intimidating, and not everybody is able to say "Slow down..." - instead, they may run the other way!
  14. Be loyal to a friend. You've probably heard of fair-weather friends. They're the ones who are happy to be around you when things are going well, but are nowhere to be found when you really need them. Part of being a friend is being prepared to make sacrifices of your time and energy in order to help out your friends. If a friend needs help with an unpleasant chore, or if he or she just needs a shoulder to cry on, be there. If your friends make a joke, laugh with them. Never complain about a friend.
  15. Be a good friend. Once you've started spending time with potential friends, remember to do your part (e.g. initiating some of the activities, remembering birthdays, asking how the other person is feeling) or else the friendship will become unbalanced and an uneasiness or distance is likely to arise.
  16. Be reliable. If you and your friend agree to meet somewhere, don't be late, and do not stand them up. If you're not going to make it on time or make it at all, call them as soon as you realize it. Apologize and ask to reschedule. Don't make them wait for you unexpectedly; it's rude, and it is certainly not a good way to launch a potential friendship. When you say you'll do something, do it. Be someone that people know that they can count on.
  17. Be a good listener. Many people think that in order to be seen as "friend material" they have to appear very interesting. Far more important than this, however, is the ability to show that you're interested in others. Listen carefully to what people say, remember important details about them (their names, their likes and dislikes), ask questions about their interests, and just take the time to learn more about them. You don't want to be the guy or girl that always has a better story than anyone else or that changes the subject abruptly instead of continuing the flow of conversation. These people appear too wrapped up in themselves to be good friends--"one-ups-man-ship" is a put down.
  18. Be trustworthy. One of the best things about having a friend is that you have someone to whom you can talk about anything, even secrets that you hide from the rest of the world. The key to being a good confidante is the ability to keep secrets, so it's no secret that you shouldn't tell other people things that were told to you in confidence. Keep in mind that recent studies show that people rarely keep secrets. Before people even feel comfortable opening up to you, however, you need to build trust.
  19. Choose your friends wisely. As you befriend more people, you may find that some are easier to get along with than others. While you always give people the benefit of the doubt, sometimes you realize that certain friendships are unhealthy, such as if a person is obsessively needy or controlling towards you, constantly critical, or introducing dangers or threats into your life. If this is the case, ease your way out of the friendship as gracefully as possible. Preoccupy yourself with other things, such as a new volunteer opportunity, so that you can honestly say that you don't have enough time in your schedule to spend time with them (but don't substitute their time for time with other friends; they may notice and become jealous, and more drama will ensue). Cherish those friends you make who are a positive influence in your life, and do your best to be a positive influence in theirs.
  20. Put emphasis on the good, unique qualities about yourself. Are you funny? If yes, then great, a little humor always keeps conversation light and happy, and people love to be around someone who makes them laugh. If you're like me and you have a quirky, different style of humor then make sure you let them know that the things you say are in fact a joke, so that you don't just come across as simply weird. This way they will understand a bit more about you too, which could potentially spark their interest. If you are a unique person, then show it!
  21. Encourage your friend: A very good friend encourages his/her friend. He/she will remain with him/her in both good as well as bad times. Never ever make fun or laugh at your friend in front of others. If someone is making fun of him/her a good friend will come to save or support his/her friend.
  22. Get a job,meet many people and socialize that way.For example, when you are with your office colleague try to improve your conversations with him/her by talking about something that you both have in common and never boast or brag about yourself.
  23. Be confident. Many people are not very confident. They are reserved, timid and afraid to start a conversation. Make the effort and start talking no matter how uncomfortable it feels.
  24. Don't separate your friend from the rest of the group. Some people get jealous of their friends if they talk to other people or make other friends. Most people don't like it and would no longer want to hang out with you
  25. Use a friendship matchmaking website to make new friends! Sites like FriendMatch were made to help people make new friends instead of dates.

Tips

  • You don't have to be a superstar to be fun. You don't even have to do cartwheels. You do need to be positive and friendly, however, so that people feel good and appreciated when they're around you.
  • Know that this is no exact science. There's no perfect method to getting a friend. It's a natural process, and if it happens, it happens.
  • Friendships require a lot of tolerance and it boils down to how much you are willing to give and take.
  • Let the friendship unfold naturally. Don't force the friendship because they won't be your true friend if you cannot be yourself around them.
  • Make sure you keep yourself open to new possibilities. You never know what might be in store for you, if you have the eyes to see.
  • Its very important to remind and counsel your friend he/she about the things they should avoid or refrain. This will help you convey how special that friend is to you.
  • Learn to entertain. Create a reason why people would want to come over to your place. Offer something to people that they don't already have. While you don't want a pool or video game console to be the only reason people come over, it will give you an opportunity to socialize with people and for them to get to know you better. Go online and find people that like to go swimming and have cookouts. Invite new people over you feel you can trust and just be friendly. Make this a group event so that you're not the only person there. Be sure to have some friends there that you already know to help you break the ice.
  • If you have a friend who knows some good people that you aren't acquainted with, ask them to invite those people to hang out with the two of you. It is a great way to make some friends who have common interests.
  • Along with learning to entertain, try to be unique to attract attention. When you have something interesting that people can learn from you, they tend to stick around and ask you questions. This is usually the case when you know a lot about something popularly known yet complex, something controversial, or something that could just spark a big debate. Some of the most interesting people you meet may have a large knowledge base when it comes to things like politics, certain religions, or strange topics like astrology and divination.
  • Get your friends to know your family as well so that there will be more chances to stay in touch with one another.
  • In general, the Internet is a great place to make friends, but it's also easy to invest a lot of time online with someone you think of as a friend, but then you never meet because of time and distance. Expect to have to sift through a lot of people online before you find the right one for you. Make yourself beautiful, get a makeover.
  • From the very first conversation you have with someone, you should use body language to convey that you are affable, non-threatening, and approachable. Smile frequently, laugh often, and make eye contact. In your words, be confident, but don't be cocky, condescending, or mean-spirited.
  • Be fun to be with.
  • Give your friend space. You don't have to see your friend 24/7. If you don't leave your friend, he'll feel uncomfortable.
  • Try not to be weird, be happy, smile and try to take interest in what they're interested in.
  • Be kind and hang out with people who make you feel like your self.
  • Don't be shy and be real. Many people just like the way you are.
  • Don't take rejection personally, a person who doesn't want to be your friend would probably not ended up being a good friend anyway.
  • Don't talk about yourself all the time; ask them questions about themselves. Show interest in your friends and what they like.
  • Treat others how you want to be treated.

Warnings

  • Never leave old good friends because you may like someone else more. This is a big, bad mistake. It's great to have different groups of friends, but if you abandon one group for another, you may soon find yourself without any friends at all. Remember the saying, "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold".
  • You may reform or change yourself, but only for yourself. Don't try to change just in order to fit in to make new friends. A truly good friend sometimes does things he or she doesn't want to do, such as helping a friend move or going to see a band that you don't really like, but you should never give into pressure to do something you think is wrong.
  • Don't try to buy friends by giving people gifts or money. While it's nice to give a friend a gift sometimes, if you go overboard, it's asking for trouble. A person who will "be your friend" without responding with little things in turn, when you buy him or her things, probably just likes the things you gave them--not you. The long run. Also, don't ask too often for friends to buy you things like candy from a vending machine. You might come across as annoying or an advantage taker, maybe even greedy or ungrateful.
  • Don't be untrue to your convictions and beliefs, and if this causes you to lose some friends, you're better off without them. You'll also find that your integrity may help you win better friends, and if you just "be yourself" you'll make friends who like you for who you are.
  • Don't be too bossy. Don't order your friends around and tell them to do things your way all the time, even if they like it. Let them be who they are and let them know that you love them for who they are. Be nice, but not too nice because they will take you for granted.

Related wikiHows

Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Make Friends. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

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Here are just a few the other practical applications of hyperempiria, or suggestion-enhanced experience, contained on this Blog,  You can learn how to:
Sources 

Gibbons, D. E. (2001). Experience as an art form. .New York, NY: Authors Choice Press.

Gibbons, D. E. (2000). Applied hypnosis and hyperempiria. Lincoln, NE: Authors Choice Press (originally published 1979 by Plenum Press).

Gibbons, D. E., & Cavallaro, L (2013).. Exploring alternate universes: And learning what they can teach us. Amazon Kindle E-Books. (Note: It is not necessary to own a Kindle reader to download this e-book, as the Kindle app may be downloaded free of charge to a standard desktop or laptop computer and to most cell phones.)

Gibbons, D. E., & Lynn, S. J. (2010). Hypnotic inductions: A primer. in S. J. Lynn, J. W. Rhue, & I. Kirsch (Eds.) Handbook of clinical hypnosis, 2nd ed. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association, pp. 267-291.