Multiversal Meditation for Inducing Mystical Experiences at Will

(An earlier version of this posting was published in the Swedish journal, Hypnos, 2004, Vol. XXXI, No. 2, pp. 89-93).

Many clients approach life from a primarily religious point of view. Such believers -- particularly those who are elderly, infirm, or who have experienced a number of personal tragedies -- may experience a "dark night of the soul" (Peers, 1990) as they struggle to deal with the stresses of life without access to sources of experiential spiritual support for their beliefs. In working with clients such as these, it should be of little consequence whether the religious and metaphysical beliefs of the client are shared by the therapist or are in conflict with those of the therapist, or whether the therapist has no theological or metaphysical beliefs at all.

People of many different religious traditions have attested to the life changing potential of mystical and transcendental experiences involving the experience of contact with a consciousness beyond one's own. In one study of the Fundamentalist Christian experience of "salvation," for example, subjects readily attested to both the personal reality of the experience and its subsequent influence upon their lives, although such experiences did not seem to be universally attainable and did appear to be related to the ability to respond to suggestion (Gibbons & DeJarnette, 1972; Gibbons, 1988).Mother Theresa (now Saint Theresa) had a mystical experience while she was still in her teens, and spent the rest of her life trying to re-capture it. But you don't have to closet yourself away and spend years in meditation, which may or may not be effective. With high-responding hypnotic clients who are willing to to undertake the journey, we are able to induce these types of experiences practically at will (Gibbons & Woods, 2016).

A 58 year old retired English teacher and mother of five grown children recently had been divorced after a marriage of forty years and came to me for help with depression. She was spending the greater part of each day in bed, with the blankets drawn up over her head. She was taking antidepressants, but they did not seem to help. 

Early in the course of therapy, she mentioned that when she was about sixteen, she had a mystical experience: "I could step beyond the ordinary world of reality, and I felt totally loved." I asked her if she would like to re-visit this mystical experience in hypnosis as a way of getting over her depression, and she immediately agreed.

She responded very well to hypnosis. I regressed her to her earlier mystical event, and told her that we were going to make it even stronger using hyperempiria, or suggestion-enhanced experience. I suggested that we were reaching down into her vast, untapped potential for feeling happiness and joy. This happiness and joy was flowing out from the innermost depths of her being in many different ways and on many different levels, like water from a hundred secret springs. As these feelings continued to flow without limit, they were healing and cleansing every muscle and fiber and nerve of her body, driving out all of the worry, and all of the stress, and all of the care that she had ever felt, and leaving her glowing from head to toe with such an intensity of happiness that she could not bear it if she were not hypnotized.

She remained outwardly impassive as I continued in this vein, emphasizing that this happiness was greater and more intense than anything she had ever hoped for, dreamed of, longed for, or imagined. To further emphasize its strength, I suggested that when she returned from hypnosis, she would not be able to bring all of this intensity back with her, because it would be more than she could bear in the everyday state of consciousness in which we live and move and have our being. But nevertheless, it would transform her life, and turn each new day into a thing of wondrous beauty.

Her depression lifted within two more sessions. Because she was a Buddhist, it was easy to frame her mystical experience as evidence that true happiness comes from within. She no longer remains in bed all day, and frequently goes out to go shopping, play cards, or visit with friends. Her demeanor is pleasant, relaxed, and cheerful. She is continuing to come in for monthly sessions in order to keep her orientation focused on the positive aspects of life, and as a means of continuing her personal and spiritual development.

From the standpoint of the therapist who is well-versed in the techniques of hypnosis, experiences of this type may easily be made available to clients who desire them and are sufficiently responsive to suggestion. From the first glow of anticipation to the enduring treasures of fondest memory, suggestion provides us with a brush with which it is possible to paint upon the canvas of human experience virtually any masterpiece we may desire. Although most of us routinely provide a considerable amount of detail with the experiences we suggest in order to make them more realistic, the Best Me Technique provides a systematic, comprehensive framework for maximum involvement and effectiveness of experiential learning (Gibbons & Lynn, 

The theme and content of such experiences should be determined by the needs and preferences of the client, with the goal of providing reassurance, strength, and encouragement.

Lawrence (M. A. Lawrence, personal communication, June 27, 2003) reports the successful application of the Best Me Technique with nursing home residents who are dealing with end-of-life issues.

The Best Me Technique would appear to possess numerous other potential applications. Good results have been reported using the Best Me Technique to enable experientially gifted clients to experience now, and in intensified form, the rewards which would not normally be theirs until a goal has actually been attained, thereby eliminating the need for "will power" or external environmental incentives (Gibbons, 2003).Sexual relations in multimodal trance between committed partners who respond well to suggestion can take on near sacramental qualities as the lovers consecrate themselves to one another anew (Gibbons & Woods, 2016).  

Recently, Kelley Woods and I (Gibbons & Woods, 2016) have been suggesting to hypnotized clients that they are being transported to an alternate universe where time and space do not exist. After orienting them to the Multiverse and inducing emotions which are as pleasant as possible -- i.e., "dissolving  into an ocean of infinite, unbounded, and everlasting love," we are then able to provide suggestions such as the following: "with practice, you will be able to feel this kind of fulfillment whenever you put your whole self into working towards a goal you have chosen. As you think about achieving the goal ahead of time, you can believe it will happen, expect it to happen, and feel it happening! And with practice, you will be able to act, think, and feel as if it were impossible to fail!"  

Experientialism is the philosophical theory that experience is the source of knowledge. It is indeed an honor to work with the imaginatively gifted among us; for they are truly "the bearers of the light," which all humankind will one day follow.
  

Bibliography

Bányai, E. I., & Hilgard, E. R. (1976). A comparison of active-alert hypnotic induction with traditional relaxation induction. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 85, 218-224

Gibbons, D. E. (1975, August). Hypnotic vs. hyperempiric induction: An experimental comparison. Paper presented at the meeting of the American Psychological Association, Chicago.

Gibbons, D. E. (1976). Hypnotic vs. hyperempiric induction: An experimental comparison. Perceptual and Motor Skills, 42, 834.

Gibbons, D. E. (1988). Were you saved or were you hypnotized? The Humanist, 48, pp. 17-18.

Gibbons, D. E. (2000). Applied hypnosis and hyperempiria. Lincoln, NE: Authors Choice Press (originally published 1979 by Plenum Press).

Gibbons, D. E. (2001). Experience as an art form. .New York, NY: Authors Choice Press.

Gibbons, D. E. (2003, July). The best me technique for constructing hypnotic suggestions. Paper presented at the Annual Conference of the British Societies of Medical, Clinical, Dental, and Experimental Hypnosis, London.

Gibbons, D. E., & Lynn, S. J. (2010). Hypnotic inductions: A primer. in S. J. Lynn, J. W. Rhue, & I. Kirsch (Eds.) Handbook of clinical hypnosis, 2nd ed. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association, pp. 267-291.

Gibbons, D. E., & Woods, K. T. (2016) Virtual reality hypnosis: Exploring alternate and parallel universes. Amazon Books, 2016. (Both print and Kindle editions are available.) 

Hammond, D. C. (1990). Hypnotic suggestions and metaphors. New York: Norton.

Heap, M. & Aravind, K. K. (2001). Hartland's Medical & Dental Hypnosis, 4th ed. London: Churchill Livingstone.

Lazarus, A. A. (1989). The practice of multimodal therapy. Baltimore, MD: Johns Hopkins University Press.

Lazarus, A. A. (1997). Brief comprehensive psychotherapy: The multimodal way. New York: Springer.

Peers, E. A. (1990). Dark Night of the Soul. New York: Doubleday.

Phillips, B. D. (2006) Experimental approaches to interactive drama involving experiential trance. Journal of Interactive Drama, 2(1), pp. 21-55.

Shor, R. E. & Orne, E. C. (1962) Harvard group scale of hypnotic susceptibility, Form A. Palo Alto, CA: Consulting Psychologists Press.

Yapko, M. D. (2003). Trancework: An introduction to the practice of clinical hypnosis, 3rd ed. Philadelphia, PA: Brunner-Routledge. 

Activities Which Help You Get off the Merry-Go-Round

"The world is so full of such a number of things,
I am sure we should all be as happy as kings."
                       --Robert Louis Stevenson

The following list of activities, based on the one at at www.smartrecovery.org, can serve as a starting point for getting off the merry-go-round of loneliness, anxiety, lethargy, depression, and despair. You can use this list of activities as a springboard for suggesting others. They can also strengthen the bond between you and one your friends when you do them together. As much as possible, surround yourself with positive, upbeat people -- and get moving!

• ACADEMIC PURSUITS (Self-help Books, Workshops, Lectures, Skills-learning, Career Development).

• CHORES AND USEFUL TASKS (such as Cleaning, Cooking, Dishwashing, Ironing, Sewing).

• EXERCISES (such as Jogging, Nautilus, Walking, Aerobic Dancing, Stretching orAerobic Exercises, Shadow Boxing, Skipping Rope, Yoga, Weightlifting).

• FOOD ACTIVITIES (such as Baking, Cooking, Barbecuing, Preparing Gourmet Meals, Shopping for Food).

• GAMES (such as Bridge, Checkers, Chess, Go, Jigsaw Puzzles, Monopoly, Poker, Online games, Scrabble, Crosswords, Anagrams).

• GRAPHIC ARTS (such as Cartooning, Drawing, Lettering, Mechanical Drawing, Painting, Photography, Silkscreening).

• HANDICRAFT ACTIVITIES (such as Basketmaking, Bookbinding, Crocheting, Embroidering, Knitting, Leatherworking, Dressmaking, Decoupage, Needlepoint).

• HUMOROUS ACTIVITIES (such as Cartooning, Improvisation Games, Charades, Jesting, Joke-making, Playing Practical Pranks and Jokes, Punning).

•MARTIAL ARTS (Akido, Jujitsu, Judo, Karate, Fencing, Wrestling).

• OUTDOORS ACTIVITIES AND SPORTS (such as Birdwatching, Gardening, Crabbing, Fishing, Canoeing, Sailing, Hunting, Walking, Ice-skating, Skiing, Rowing, Hiking).

• PERFORMING ARTS (such as Dancing, Ballet, Mime, Acting, Improvisation, Modern Dance, Tap Dance, Singing).

• READING (Fiction, Novels, Plays, Poems, Nonfiction).

• SCIENTIFIC ACTIVITIES (such as Anatomy, Biology, Herpetology, Physics, Medicine, Zoology, Anthropology, Psychology, Sociology).

• SOCIALIZING (Conversing, Group Activities, Attending or Giving Parties, Rap Sessions).

• SPECTATING (watching Movies, Plays, Sports, Pageants, Circuses).

• SPORTS (such as Baseball, Basketball, GQlf, Gym, Football, Hockey, Dancing, Tennis, Skating, Running, Volleyball).

• STUDYING ACADEMIC SUBJECTS (such as Art History, History, Language, Math, Music, Science, Social Science).

• TRADES AND CRAFTS (such as Bricklayer, Builder, Carpenter, Foreman, Factory Worker, Gardener, Mechanic, Machinist, Police Officer).

• VENTING FEELINGS (such as Punching Pillows, Yelling, Talking, Writing, Expressing Good Feelings).
See also the book by R. Schwartz, and E. Braff entitled, We're no fun anymore: Helping couples cultivate joyful marriages through the power of play. New York: Routledge Taylor & Francis Group, 2012.

Additional Links Which May be Helpful:

Albert Ellis has put together a list of false beliefs that are driving you crazy because they set us up for failure and disappointment ahead of time. They are all false, but many of us are inclined to at least occasionally believe some of them. Take a look at this list and see if you are inclined to agree with any of them, at least part of the time. You can get rid of these irrational ideas by recognizing and eliminating them.

 A Greek philosopher once said, "Men are disturbed not by events, but by the views which they take of them." This is a list of false perceptions that are driving you crazy. See how many of these thought patterns might be clouding your own view of the world, by causing you to look at life "through mud-colored glasses." If you are inclined to look at things this way yourself, once you recognize that they are not accurate, you can get rid of them, too.

Defeating Obsessive or Racing Thoughts

Behind all humor there is frequently a grain of truth. I occasionally tell my clients that If their mind leads them in unwanted directions, picture a stop sign and try the following technique of thought stopping, and then go back to  the auto suggestions they were using originally.

My co-author Kelley Woods suggests the following:

"A bit gentler technique comes from mindfulnesss meditation,Imagining those thoughts as like leaves...drifting from a tree...into a gently flowing stream of water...going to wherever thoughts go when we don't need them anymore.

If more is needed, we can focus on the colors, shapes, smells, sounds, textures and even count those damn leaves!

If even more is needed, I may ask a client, "What would you like to do with those leaves?" I've received some novel suggestions!"

Whether you are trying to fight intrusive thoughts during hypnosis, or when you are trying to go to sleep, or if you are obsessing over a lost relationship, the harder you try to fight such thoughts the more power they have over you. The author of one book on intrusive thoughts put it this way. Try to go for five minutes without thinking of a carrot. Don't think of carrots in a salad, don't think of carrot juice -- and especially, don't think of Bugs Bunny! See how far you get!

Thought stopping will often be effective when you can replace the brief interlude of quiet it provides to turn to more pleasant alternatives as you lose yourself in hypnosis, or in sleep, or in your daily activities, and it is used for such purposes in cognitive-behavioral therapy. But if it doesn't work for you, then stop it and use Kelley's technique!

How to Have a Great Conversation

Small Talk isn't just for "wowing" someone on a date.

Having excellent conversational skills is useful for many other things besides impressing someone on a date, or making small talk with strangers at a party. It is vitally important whenever you need to make a new co-worker feel at home, or to welcome a new family member at a reunion, or when you are joining a new organization, and in a host of other situations where you need to present yourself well to people who do not already know you -- and perhaps, even for "old married folks" who are beginning to feel like they "don't know how to talk to one another" any more! It is also an essential first step in helping you to make friends at any age.

The following post is adapted from an article which was originally published on wikiHow,  where it was contributed to by over 620 people and read by over two and a half million. If you click on the link just mentioned and enter the words "conversation skills" in their search box, you will find many more excellent articles on this and similar topics.

How to Have a Great Conversation

from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit

The art of conversation takes practice, but it's not as hard as you might think. Whether it's at a dinner party, your school, or over the phone, a great conversation starts when two or more people are on the same page and feel comfortable talking with each other. By following the steps in this article, you can learn to relax and have a great conversation with just about anybody.

Steps

Sample Conversation Topics  

Find out a few things about the person you'll be talking to (if you can) before you actually start a conversation. Websites as well as Facebook and Twitter profiles can be good sources of information, as long as you're careful not to come across as a stalker. Kick off the conversation with some interesting information that's not too personal. 

1. "I was looking at the biochemistry department website and saw that you're working on a pretty interesting thesis! How did you come to choose that topic? "I saw on the office memo that you're working on the outreach project for local schools. How's that going?"
2. "Is it true that you just went skydiving?"
3. Ask questions so that the other person can talk about himself or herself. "What do you like to do?" "What sort of things have you done in your life?" "What is happening to you now?" "What did you do today or last weekend?" Identify things about them that you might be interested in hearing about, and politely ask questions. People love having a chance to discuss their passions or their subjects of expertise.
   • Ask questions for clarification. If your conversation partner is talking about an occupation or activity you do not understand, take the opportunity to learn more.
   • Make sure that your interest appears genuine. Maintain eye contact and nod your head or interject comments like, "That's interesting."
   • Use open-ended questions. Skip the simple "yes" or "no" questions. Instead, ask a question that will allow your partner to talk extensively. "So you love to go hang gliding. What made you get into it in the first place?"
   • Start superficial. Ask more generic questions at first. Then,  your partner's comfort level. If your partner seems willing to open up, then you can ask some more personal questions.
4. Inject invitation and inspiration.
   • An "invitation" happens when you say something that lets your partner know that it's his or her turn to speak. Generally, invitations come in the form of questions.
   • "Inspiration" means that you come up with a great topic that makes your partner want to have a discussion. For instance, you could share a funny story that will remind your partner of a similar thing that happened in his or her life, or you could share your thoughts about something and inspire your partner to respond.
5. Comment on a general interest topic. Some people briefly read the current events section of the news so that if the conversation runs dry, they can comment on something of general interest. "Did you hear about the new underground park being built in uptown?" is both interesting and informative.
6. Listen actively. A conversation will go nowhere if you are too busy thinking of other things, including what you plan to say next. If you listen w'ell, you'll identify questions to ask based on the other person's statements.
   • Paraphrase back what you heard the person say. "So you're saying that skydiving is the biggest rush you've ever experienced?" Doing this shows respect for the other person and gives him or her the chance to correct your understanding, affirm it or embellish upon it.
   • Encourage the other person to do most of the talking. Your conversation partner will feel as though you are attentive and engaged, and you will get the credit for being a great conversationalist.
7. Forget yourself. Dale Carnegie once said, "It's much easier to become interested in others than it is to convince them to be interested in you." If you are too busy thinking about yourself, what you look like or what the other person might be thinking, then you will never be able to relax. Your discomfort will make the other person uncomfortable.
8. Voice disagreement with respect. When stating a difference of opinion, remember these points:
   • Acknowledge your common ground before disagreeing, and try to omit the word "but" from your statement. Instead, try substituting the word "and." Many people find it less antagonistic.
   • Don't manipulate the talk to serve your own agenda and steamroll your counterpart. Never use a conversation as a way to boost your ego.
9. Accept occasional silences. Take a drink or a bite of your dinner while you think of the next thing that you want to say. Did something that was said generate a new thought or topic in your mind? Use the pause to transition smoothly into further conversation.
10. Occasionally, ask the question that is looming over the conversation. Humans are social creatures, and society has etiquette that's based on rules. There's so much etiquette it would be painful to list, but it's worth noting that sometimes people enjoy stepping beyond etiquette and talking about the things they thought they weren't allowed to talk about. It can be really refreshing, and pave the way for great conversation.
    • There's a rule out there about not discussing religion and politics, and it's generally a good one. If you think you can have a discussion with someone without making them feel threatened by your beliefs, go for it!
    • Love is another forbidden subject. We don't want to pry into other people's personal lives, just as we don't want others prying into our own. Sometimes, however, people want an excuse to talk about their love life. If your conversational partner says something like "I don't think that's an appropriate topic," apologize and move onto another subject.
11. Tell stories, preferably funny ones. Stories are the spice of life. Joan Didion famously said "We tell ourselves stories in order to live," and many people happen to believe her. There's something about an expertly told story that takes us to a different place, allowing us to escape our tiny lives and live a grander existence. Don't be afraid to go to that place in your conversation. A couple things to remember in your storytelling:
    • Take it slow. Don't rush your story. Pause for dramatic effect when you need it. A steady, measured approach will draw out the story and keep your audience enthralled.
    • Transition into your story. "Funny you said that," or "Speaking of hoaxes," or "Actually, something similar happened to me not too long ago" will help the story feel like a natural evolution of the conversation.
    • Tell a reality-based story. In other words, something that actually happened. Truth has a way of being stranger than fiction, and a story that's been fabricated just feels a little more empty than something that actually happened.
12. In a pinch, comment on the awkwardness of it all. If you're really at a loss for words and the conversation is shrinking faster than cellophane under a bit of heat, comment on how awkward the conversation has become; be humorous about it:
    • "I'm sorry, my awkwardness juts out at such...awkward times. Enough with the formalities. What do you really want to talk about?"
    • "We're trying pretty hard, aren't we. There must be something essential that we're missing. You're not a cat person are you?"
    • "I'm sure we have something in common. How about we get a drink and let some of the alcohol do the talking? You look like I need a drink."
13. Know when the conversation has ended. Even the best conversations will eventually run out of steam or be ended by an interruption. Smile, state that you enjoyed the conversation and say goodbye. Ending on a positive note will make the other person want to talk to you again.

Video

Tips

• Make sure you pause between sentences. Doing this allows the other person to ask a question or to interject a thought of their own. Remember, you want to have a conversation, not a monologue.
• Approach the person you want to talk to with confidence. Being around confident people makes others feel good. Your infectious energy and enthusiasm will make everyone in the conversation feel confident and comfortable. Projecting confidence is the key to a good conversation.
• Pay the other person a compliment. For example, a statement like, "I like your handbag" could lead to a discussion over stores, bags or anything else that you can imagine.
• Avoid dwelling on a lackluster conversation. Sometimes the other person is distracted or simply getting over a bad day.
• If a person is not a type of person that you can have a good friendly conversation with, then just go to another person that can be more appreciate your efforts.
• Sometimes, a great conversation can keep going if the person you want to talk to plays something that you also play, for example, a game, or a sport. It can also work with places you go to, or certain activities that you do.
• Always smile when necessary. This doesn't mean you should do so after everything s/he says though. It simply means that while the conversation is positively developing, you can further encourage its development by showing your partner that you are genuinely interested in what s/he has to say. It also shows that you want to know more in a subtle way and makes the other person want to divulge more because of your pleasant response. Basically, facial expression is key.
• Talk about your hobbies and her hobbies.
• When talking to him at school make sure to end the conversation by saying something like: "Ohh I gotta go. Sorry, bye!" when the topic is real good, this leaves him wanting to talk to you even more the next time.
• Only start conversations when it's a good time for both of you. They won't want to talk if they're in a rush and they might get annoyed with you.
• See also the following Blog entry: How to Overcome Shyness with  Cognitive-Behavioral psychology.

Warnings

• Avoid cutting the other person off in mid-sentence or during a natural pause. Let the person finish his or her thoughts before continuing with thoughts of your own.
• Beware of potentially inflammatory topics like religion and politics. Don't venture into these topics with someone you don't know.

 Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Have a Great Conversation. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

 

How ro Have a Full and Happy Retirement

"The world is so full of such a number of things,
I am sure we should all be as happy as kings."
                       --Robert Louis Stevenson

The following list of activities, based on the one at at www.smartrecovery.org, can serve as a starting point for getting off the merry-go-round of loneliness, anxiety, lethargy, depression, and despair. You can use this list of activities as a springboard for suggesting others. They can also strengthen the bond between you and one your friends when you do them together. As much as possible, surround yourself with positive, upbeat people -- and get moving!

• ACADEMIC PURSUITS (Self-help Books, Workshops, Lectures, Skills-learning, Career Development).

• CHORES AND USEFUL TASKS (such as Cleaning, Cooking, Dishwashing, Ironing, Sewing).

• EXERCISES (such as Jogging, Nautilus, Walking, Aerobic Dancing, Stretching orAerobic Exercises, Shadow Boxing, Skipping Rope, Yoga, Weightlifting).

• FOOD ACTIVITIES (such as Baking, Cooking, Barbecuing, Preparing Gourmet Meals, Shopping for Food).

• GAMES (such as Bridge, Checkers, Chess, Go, Jigsaw Puzzles, Monopoly, Poker, Online games, Scrabble, Crosswords, Anagrams).

• GRAPHIC ARTS (such as Cartooning, Drawing, Lettering, Mechanical Drawing, Painting, Photography, Silkscreening).

• HANDICRAFT ACTIVITIES (such as Basketmaking, Bookbinding, Crocheting, Embroidering, Knitting, Leatherworking, Dressmaking, Decoupage, Needlepoint).

• HUMOROUS ACTIVITIES (such as Cartooning, Improvisation Games, Charades, Jesting, Joke-making, Playing Practical Pranks and Jokes, Punning).

•MARTIAL ARTS (Akido, Jujitsu, Judo, Karate, Fencing, Wrestling).

• OUTDOORS ACTIVITIES AND SPORTS (such as Birdwatching, Gardening, Crabbing, Fishing, Canoeing, Sailing, Hunting, Walking, Ice-skating, Skiing, Rowing, Hiking).

• PERFORMING ARTS (such as Dancing, Ballet, Mime, Acting, Improvisation, Modern Dance, Tap Dance, Singing).

• READING (Fiction, Novels, Plays, Poems, Nonfiction).

• SCIENTIFIC ACTIVITIES (such as Anatomy, Biology, Herpetology, Physics, Medicine, Zoology, Anthropology, Psychology, Sociology).

• SOCIALIZING (Conversing, Group Activities, Attending or Giving Parties, Rap Sessions).

• SPECTATING (watching Movies, Plays, Sports, Pageants, Circuses).

• SPORTS (such as Baseball, Basketball, GQlf, Gym, Football, Hockey, Dancing, Tennis, Skating, Running, Volleyball).

• STUDYING ACADEMIC SUBJECTS (such as Art History, History, Language, Math, Music, Science, Social Science).

• TRADES AND CRAFTS (such as Bricklayer, Builder, Carpenter, Foreman, Factory Worker, Gardener, Mechanic, Machinist, Police Officer).

• VENTING FEELINGS (such as Punching Pillows, Yelling, Talking, Writing, Expressing Good Feelings).
See also the book by R. Schwartz, and E. Braff entitled, We're no fun anymore: Helping couples cultivate joyful marriages through the power of play. New York: Routledge Taylor & Francis Group, 2012.

Additional Links Which May be Helpful:

Albert Ellis has put together a list of false beliefs that are driving you crazy because they set us up for failure and disappointment ahead of time. They are all false, but many of us are inclined to at least occasionally believe some of them. Take a look at this list and see if you are inclined to agree with any of them, at least part of the time. You can get rid of these irrational ideas by recognizing and eliminating them.

 A Greek philosopher once said, "Men are disturbed not by events, but by the views which they take of them." This is a list of false perceptions that are driving you crazy. See how many of these thought patterns might be clouding your own view of the world, by causing you to look at life "through mud-colored glasses." If you are inclined to look at things this way yourself, once you recognize that they are not accurate, you can get rid of them, too.

Perhaps the most important challenge in retirment is to find meaning in life, which is possible under almost any set of circumstances, as illustrted in the following entry entitled, The Ultimate Cure for Existential Depression.

Past Lives, Parallel Lives, and Future Lives: Believed-in Imaginings or A New Reality?

As an experimental psychologist who has been rigorously trained in the methods of scientific research, I frankly do not know whether or not reincarnation exists, though half the world believes in it. We tend to believe in things for emotional reasons, and then use our intellect to defend them  and neither do I know whether or not we can investigate these possibilities by the use of hypnosis.. Lynn and Kirsch (2006, p. 204), flatly state: "In summary, hypnotically induced past-life experiences are fantasies constructed from available clinical narratives about past lives and known or surmised facts regarding historical periods, as well as cues present in the hypnotic situation.”

It is just this kind of "anecdotal evidence," however, that is the starting point for any major revolution in our scientific view of reality. (Kuhn, 2012). Many of us know people who can tell of past-life experiences that are astonishing, to say the least; and some readers of this post may be able to recount such experiences themselves. If we are unable to completely dismiss all of this anecdotal evidence as merely delusional, perhaps we can look at the possibilities which this kind of evidence might imply

If there is a theoretically infinite number of parallel universes, it is also to be expected that they do not always follow the same laws of cause-and-effect as this one. Re-framing past, parallel, and future lives to conform with the teachings of theoretical physics regarding alternate and parallel universes greatly expands our understanding of what we can do with them. What we need to do at this point is not to abandon our investigation into past lives, but to to incorporate the possibility current, parallel, and future universes as well and see where it leads us.

1. If you are living in a parallel Universe which exists prior to your own life, we may have a rationale in theoretical physics for reincarnation

2. If you are living in a parallel Universe which exists after your own life, we may have a rationale in theoretical physics for pre-incarnation.

3. If you are living in a parallel Universe which exists in roughly the same time frame as your own life, we may have a rationale in theoretical physics for co-incarnation

4. If you are living in a parallel Universe in which you experience several different lives within a similar time frame, we may have a rationale in theoretical physics for multi-carnation.

5..If you are living in a parallel Universe in which you possess a set of genes which is partly yours and partly that of another person, we may have a scientific rationale in theoretical physics for inter-carnation..

References

Kuhn, T. S. (2012). The structure of scientific revolutions. Chicago, IL: University of Chicago Press.

Lynn, S. J., & Kirsch, I. (2006). Essentials of clinical hypnosis: An evidence-based approach.  Washington, D.C: American Psychological Association.

When You're Just too Depressed to DO Much

You're not suicidal. If you needed prescription medication, you're taking it.  But you just don't feel like DOING anything! And if you have a job or someplace else you need to be, you don't feel like going.  What can you do when your depression is serious enough to spoil your day, but not serious enough to seek prompt medical attention?

You obviously don't feel too depressed to be on the computer, but you could probably use some advice from people who know exactly how you feel. I would like to recommend that you begin with the Ted Talk on You Tube entitled, "How to Get Stuff Done When You're Depressed."  Then, while your depression is on the mend (and one thing that you can count on most of the time is that it will go away), you can help to cheer yourself up by watching four more videos from  their playlist on the subject of depressoon  They have dozens more, if you're still interested, both on the subject of depression and its treatment.

You might also be interested in:

How to Get a Good Night's Sleep 

How to Keep  Your Boss feom Driving You Crazy

Emergency First Aid for Panic Attacks

How to Meditate Like an Expert Almost Anywhere

Emergency First Aid for Panic Attacks

One of the worst things about having a panic attack is how frightened you are about having the next one. This will show you how help stop a panic attack while it is in progress. Please pass this information on to anyone who might be able to use it. You will be able to  prevent  a lot of needless suffering!   It is not intended to serve as a substitute for guidance from a duly licensed mental health professional, who can help you to understand and deal with the problems which brought about the panic attack in the first place.,  

Emergency First Aid for Panic Attacks

The best thing you can do during a flashback or panic attack is to ground yourself in the present. You can do this by using each of your five senses:

1. Look around you and name five things that you can see.

2.  Look around you and name four things that you can hear,

3,  Look around you and name three things that you can touch.

4.  Look around you and name two things that you can smell.

5.  Look around you and name one thing that you can taste.

This should gradually cause the panic attack to recede as you pay attention to the things in your environment and not to the memories that keep trying to flood into your awareness.

Confucius said, "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." But once you have taken that step, you have to keep going. The two rules for success in any self-improvement program are: 1) Begin, and 2) Don't stop!  If you suffer from panic attacks, you should have plenty of motivation to follow both of these rules.

While methods of treatment may vary, It is generally agreed that the cognitive-behavioral approach is the fastest-growing orientation in psychology, with an ever-growing body of research behind it to demonstrate that it actually works. 

Cognitive-behavioral therapists frequently use a document called a panic attack thought record in order to help you get rid of the wrong ideas and perceptions which may be contributing to your anxiety, and to alter the situations which trigger them. A summary of The "STOPP" technique, which has been referred to as "CBT in a nutshell," is available. There is also a free online self-help course and other materials on how to use them. You can make as many copies of the forms and other information as you want for your own use by using the print command on your computer. (Much of the foregoing information is available courtesy of www.getselfhelp.co.uk.)

Once you get the hang of it, if you continue to do these mental workouts as regularly as you would exercise physically in a gymnasium, you will eventually become able to think, feel, and act in a calm and confident manner in almost any situation. However, just as reading a book on surgery will not make you into a surgeon, and reading an exercise manual will not build muscles, merely reading a Blog posting on how to avoid having panic attacks will not be enough to enable you to teach you how to get rid of them. People who practice meditation, for example, do not hope to attain enlightenment merely by reading about it! By the same token, regular practice using the thought record for a variety of situations is the key to success. 
   

How to Identify a Panic Attack

How can you be sure that what you are concerned about is a panic attack and not something else? While an actual diagnosis should only be made by a duly-licensed mental halth professional, it may be helpful to knlow that the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Psychitric Association (2013, p, 208) defines a panic attack as an abrupt surge of intense fear or intense discomfort that reaches a peak within minutes, and during which time four (or more) of the following symptoms occur:

1. Palpitations, pounding heart, or accelerated heart rate.
2. Sweating.
3. Trembling or shaking.
4. Sensatons of shortness of breath or smothering.
5. Feelings of choking.
6. Chest pain or discomfort.
7. Nausea or abdominal distress.
8. Feeling dizzy, unsteady, light-headed, or faint.
9. Chills or heat sensations.
10. Paresthesias (numbness or tingling sensations).
11. Derealization (feelings of unreality) or depersonalization (being detached from oneself).
12. Fear of losing control or "going crazy."
13. Fear of dying.

For at least a month after the panic attack, either or both of the following must take place: a) the person is extremely worried that either the panic attack itself, or what he or she was so afraid of while the panic attack was going on (losing control or going crazy), is going to happen again; and/or b) the person makes a "significant, maladaptive change in behavior"  in order to keep the panic attack from recurring, "such as avoiding exercise or unfamiliar situations." 

To meet the definition of a panic attack, the symptoms cannot result from a drug reaction, nor can they be a symptom of something else such as schizophrenia.x

Reference

American Psychiatric Association: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, Arlingron, VA, American Psychiatric Association, 2013.

Cognitive Behavioral Downloads for Clients and Therapists

Hypnosis and cognitive-behavioral therapy are natural allies, since they both deal with changing belief systems. The following two Websites: http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk, and www.psychologytools.org,  contain the most interesting and varied resources I have found for free materials on cognitive-behavioral psychology that you can download for personal use, in order to get rid of the ideas and perceptions that can cause needless misery if they are not dealt with. There are also numerous practical applications for improving the quality of everyday life. 

Cognitive-behavioral therapists frequently use a document called a thought record in order to examine just what goes on in the mind when we make those habitual decisions that keep getting us into trouble  An example of a thought record and how to use it s also available here. There are also other free versions of the thought record form, adapted for special purposes, including:

• Panic Attacks
• Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
• Flashbacks 
• Social Anxiety 
• Anger
• Body Dysmorphia
• Obsessions and Compulsions
• OCD/Perfectionism
• Depression
• Additional downloads for record-keeping are also available.

You can make as many copies as you want for your own use by using the print command on your computer. There is also a free online self-help course and other materials on how to use them. Of course, I cannot be responsible for the accuracy or the effectiveness of self-help materials downloaded from the Internet. As a practicing clinical psychologist, I am perhaps a little more conservative than they are about what can legitimately be included within the category of "self-help." Nevertheless, for some situations, it may be worth a look! 

 

How to Make Friends at Any Age

Many people find that they have fewer and fewer friends as they get older and old friends die or move away.  Many others have discovered that there is more to making lasting friendships than simply being a great conversationalist. The following WikiHow article has been contributed to by over 2300 people and read by over three and a half million. Here is the result of their collective wisdom.

How to Make Friends

from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit
There's a certain beauty in being a lone wolf. You have more time to do the things you want to do, like take introspective walks, read books, write and other solitary endeavors. But it's also nice to have friends. Sometimes you need that one person to talk to. You can play games, hang out or even just talk on the phone. So consider these suggestions to meet people and form strong, lasting friendships. Take your time, and don't rush.

Steps

1. Spend more time around people. If you want to make friends, you first need to put yourself out there somehow in order to meet people. If you're still in school, sit somewhere with other people, it doesn't have to be the 'popular' table, or a crowded one, but one with at least 2 other people. Remember, friends seldom come knocking on your door while you sit at home playing computer games.
2. Join an organization or club with people who have common interests. You don't necessarily need to have a lot of common interests with people in order to make friends with them. In fact, some of the most rewarding friendships are between two people who don't have much in common at all, but if you like a specific topic, try searching for just a location. It's a great way to meet new local people! Social networking sites such as Facebook, Twitter, BlendAbout and Google+ are great way to meet new people and learn more about the people you meet. A church, Masjid (mosque), temple or other house of worship is a great place to start since you have at least have a religious faith in common.
3. Join a sports team. A common misconception about this is that you have to be really good at playing a particular sport in order to make friends with others on the team, but not all teams are so competitive. As long as you enjoy the sport and support your teammates, joining a local team with a laid-back attitude could be a great way to make new friends. But a sports team isn't the only way. If you play instruments or sing, try joining a band or choir.
4. Volunteer. Volunteering is a great way for people of all ages to meet others. By working together you build bonds with people, and you might meet others who have a passion for changing things the way you do (a common cause).
5. Talk to people. You can join a club, go to school, or go to church but you still won't make friends if you don't actually talk to people. By the same token, you don't have to be involved with an organization to be social, and any time you talk to someone, you have a chance at making a lasting friend. You can talk to anybody: the clerk at the video store, the person sitting next to you on the bus, or the person in front of you in the lunch line. Don't be too picky. Most conversations will be a dead-end of sorts, when you may never talk to that person again, or you just remain acquaintances--but once in a while you'll actually make a friend.
6. Make eye contact and smile. If you have an unfriendly countenance, people are less likely to be receptive to your friendship. by not squinting (get some glasses), looking bored, frowning or appearing blankly deadpan, folding your arms or hanging out in a corner; such habits may make you look troubled or disinterested.
7. Start a conversation. There are many ways to do this; a comment about your immediate environment (The weather is a classic: "At least it's not raining like last week!"), a request for help ("Can you help me carry a few boxes, if you have a minute?" or "Can you help me decide which one of these is a better gift for my mom?") or a compliment ("That's a nice car." or "I love your shoes."). Follow up immediately with a related question: Do you like this warm weather? What kinds of gifts do you normally buy for your mom? Where did you get shoes like that?
8. Make small talk. Keep the conversation light and cheery. Even if you're complaining about something, make sure it's something you're both dissatisfied with, and emphasize the positive—how such a situation can be avoided in the future, or alternatives. Bounce a few words back and forth for a little bit. Many conversationalists say that it is good to follow a 30/70 (30% talking, 70% listening) pattern during small talk when possible.
9. Introduce yourself at the end of the conversation. It can be as simple as saying "Oh, by the way, my name is...". Once you introduce yourself, the other person will typically do the same. Remember his or her name! If you show that you remembered things from your past conversation(s) with the person, not only will you look intelligent but he or she will see that you were paying attention and are willing to be a true friend.
10. Initiate a get-together. You can chat your heart out but it won't get you a friend if you don't open up the opportunity for another conversation or meeting. This is especially important if you meet someone who you aren't otherwise likely to meet again. Seize the day!
11. If you've discovered that the person you're talking to has a common interest, ask him or her more about it and, if appropriate, whether they get together with others (in a club, for example) to pursue this interest. If so, this is a perfect opportunity to ask about joining them. If you clearly express interest (when? where? can anyone come?) they'll probably invite you. If you have a club, band, church, etc. that you think they might enjoy, take the opportunity to give them your number or email address and invite them to join you.
12. Ask them out for lunch or coffee. That will give you a better opportunity to talk and get to know each other a little bit better. A good way to extend yourself is to say: "Hey, well, I've got to go, but if you ever want to talk over lunch or coffee or anything like that, let me give you my number/e-mail address." This gives the person the opportunity to contact you; they may or may not give you their information in return, but that's fine. Maybe they don't have time for new friends—don't take it personally! Just offer your contact info to whoever seems to be potentially a good friend, and eventually somebody will get in touch.
13. Don't do anything to pressure someone into being friends with you. Never chide acquaintances for failing to invite you to a party, for example; don't call someone repeatedly or stop by uninvited (unless you have established that stopping by unannounced is OK); and refrain from overstaying your welcome anywhere. In general, take friendship slowly, and don't try to force intimacy to grow quickly; the move from acquaintance to friend can take a long time. It's understandable to want more of a good thing, but try to err on the side of less. If you are not sure about the pace of your new friendship, check in with your friend and ask directly. Too much, too fast can be scary or intimidating, and not everybody is able to say "Slow down..." - instead, they may run the other way!
14. Be loyal to a friend. You've probably heard of fair-weather friends. They're the ones who are happy to be around you when things are going well, but are nowhere to be found when you really need them. Part of being a friend is being prepared to make sacrifices of your time and energy in order to help out your friends. If a friend needs help with an unpleasant chore, or if he or she just needs a shoulder to cry on, be there. If your friends make a joke, laugh with them. Never complain about a friend.
15. Be a good friend. Once you've started spending time with potential friends, remember to do your part (e.g. initiating some of the activities, remembering birthdays, asking how the other person is feeling) or else the friendship will become unbalanced and an uneasiness or distance is likely to arise.
16. Be reliable. If you and your friend agree to meet somewhere, don't be late, and do not stand them up. If you're not going to make it on time or make it at all, call them as soon as you realize it. Apologize and ask to reschedule. Don't make them wait for you unexpectedly; it's rude, and it is certainly not a good way to launch a potential friendship. When you say you'll do something, do it. Be someone that people know that they can count on.
17. Be a good listener. Many people think that in order to be seen as "friend material" they have to appear very interesting. Far more important than this, however, is the ability to show that you're interested in others. Listen carefully to what people say, remember important details about them (their names, their likes and dislikes), ask questions about their interests, and just take the time to learn more about them. You don't want to be the guy or girl that always has a better story than anyone else or that changes the subject abruptly instead of continuing the flow of conversation. These people appear too wrapped up in themselves to be good friends--"one-ups-man-ship" is a put down.
18. Be trustworthy. One of the best things about having a friend is that you have someone to whom you can talk about anything, even secrets that you hide from the rest of the world. The key to being a good confidante is the ability to keep secrets, so it's no secret that you shouldn't tell other people things that were told to you in confidence. Keep in mind that recent studies show that people rarely keep secrets. Before people even feel comfortable opening up to you, however, you need to build trust.
19. Choose your friends wisely. As you befriend more people, you may find that some are easier to get along with than others. While you always give people the benefit of the doubt, sometimes you realize that certain friendships are unhealthy, such as if a person is obsessively needy or controlling towards you, constantly critical, or introducing dangers or threats into your life. If this is the case, ease your way out of the friendship as gracefully as possible. Preoccupy yourself with other things, such as a new volunteer opportunity, so that you can honestly say that you don't have enough time in your schedule to spend time with them (but don't substitute their time for time with other friends; they may notice and become jealous, and more drama will ensue). Cherish those friends you make who are a positive influence in your life, and do your best to be a positive influence in theirs.
20. Put emphasis on the good, unique qualities about yourself. Are you funny? If yes, then great, a little humor always keeps conversation light and happy, and people love to be around someone who makes them laugh. If you're like me and you have a quirky, different style of humor then make sure you let them know that the things you say are in fact a joke, so that you don't just come across as simply weird. This way they will understand a bit more about you too, which could potentially spark their interest. If you are a unique person, then show it!
21. Encourage your friend: A very good friend encourages his/her friend. He/she will remain with him/her in both good as well as bad times. Never ever make fun or laugh at your friend in front of others. If someone is making fun of him/her a good friend will come to save or support his/her friend.
22. Get a job,meet many people and socialize that way.For example, when you are with your office colleague try to improve your conversations with him/her by talking about something that you both have in common and never boast or brag about yourself.
23. Be confident. Many people are not very confident. They are reserved, timid and afraid to start a conversation. Make the effort and start talking no matter how uncomfortable it feels.
24. Don't separate your friend from the rest of the group. Some people get jealous of their friends if they talk to other people or make other friends. Most people don't like it and would no longer want to hang out with you
25. Use a friendship matchmaking website to make new friends! Sites like FriendMatch were made to help people make new friends instead of dates.

Tips

• You don't have to be a superstar to be fun. You don't even have to do cartwheels. You do need to be positive and friendly, however, so that people feel good and appreciated when they're around you.
• Know that this is no exact science. There's no perfect method to getting a friend. It's a natural process, and if it happens, it happens.
• Friendships require a lot of tolerance and it boils down to how much you are willing to give and take.
• Let the friendship unfold naturally. Don't force the friendship because they won't be your true friend if you cannot be yourself around them.
• Make sure you keep yourself open to new possibilities. You never know what might be in store for you, if you have the eyes to see.
• Its very important to remind and counsel your friend he/she about the things they should avoid or refrain. This will help you convey how special that friend is to you.
• Learn to entertain. Create a reason why people would want to come over to your place. Offer something to people that they don't already have. While you don't want a pool or video game console to be the only reason people come over, it will give you an opportunity to socialize with people and for them to get to know you better. Go online and find people that like to go swimming and have cookouts. Invite new people over you feel you can trust and just be friendly. Make this a group event so that you're not the only person there. Be sure to have some friends there that you already know to help you break the ice.
• If you have a friend who knows some good people that you aren't acquainted with, ask them to invite those people to hang out with the two of you. It is a great way to make some friends who have common interests.
• Along with learning to entertain, try to be unique to attract attention. When you have something interesting that people can learn from you, they tend to stick around and ask you questions. This is usually the case when you know a lot about something popularly known yet complex, something controversial, or something that could just spark a big debate. Some of the most interesting people you meet may have a large knowledge base when it comes to things like politics, certain religions, or strange topics like astrology and divination.
• Get your friends to know your family as well so that there will be more chances to stay in touch with one another.
• In general, the Internet is a great place to make friends, but it's also easy to invest a lot of time online with someone you think of as a friend, but then you never meet because of time and distance. Expect to have to sift through a lot of people online before you find the right one for you. Make yourself beautiful, get a makeover.
• From the very first conversation you have with someone, you should use body language to convey that you are affable, non-threatening, and approachable. Smile frequently, laugh often, and make eye contact. In your words, be confident, but don't be cocky, condescending, or mean-spirited.
• Be fun to be with.
• Give your friend space. You don't have to see your friend 24/7. If you don't leave your friend, he'll feel uncomfortable.
• Try not to be weird, be happy, smile and try to take interest in what they're interested in.
• Be kind and hang out with people who make you feel like your self.
• Don't be shy and be real. Many people just like the way you are.
• Don't take rejection personally, a person who doesn't want to be your friend would probably not ended up being a good friend anyway.
• Don't talk about yourself all the time; ask them questions about themselves. Show interest in your friends and what they like.
• Treat others how you want to be treated.

Warnings

• Never leave old good friends because you may like someone else more. This is a big, bad mistake. It's great to have different groups of friends, but if you abandon one group for another, you may soon find yourself without any friends at all. Remember the saying, "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold".
• You may reform or change yourself, but only for yourself. Don't try to change just in order to fit in to make new friends. A truly good friend sometimes does things he or she doesn't want to do, such as helping a friend move or going to see a band that you don't really like, but you should never give into pressure to do something you think is wrong.
• Don't try to buy friends by giving people gifts or money. While it's nice to give a friend a gift sometimes, if you go overboard, it's asking for trouble. A person who will "be your friend" without responding with little things in turn, when you buy him or her things, probably just likes the things you gave them--not you. The long run. Also, don't ask too often for friends to buy you things like candy from a vending machine. You might come across as annoying or an advantage taker, maybe even greedy or ungrateful.
• Don't be untrue to your convictions and beliefs, and if this causes you to lose some friends, you're better off without them. You'll also find that your integrity may help you win better friends, and if you just "be yourself" you'll make friends who like you for who you are.
• Don't be too bossy. Don't order your friends around and tell them to do things your way all the time, even if they like it. Let them be who they are and let them know that you love them for who they are. Be nice, but not too nice because they will take you for granted.

Related wikiHows

• How to Get Someone to Talk to You if They're Not
• How to Give History Lessons
• How to Get Someone to Like You for Real
• How to Help a Friend in Need
• How to Make Someone Get You What You Want
• How to Find the Best Club for You
• How to Be Nice to Someone You Don't Like
• How to Ask out Someone Who Likes You
• How to Know What to Get Your Friends for Christmas
• How to Make a Friend Laugh
• How to Make More Than One Friend in One Day
• How to Know What Your Best Friend Really Wants
• How to Make Friends at the Beach
• How to Form Lasting Friendships
• How to Keep Real Friends in a Cyber World
• How to Talk to a Friend
• How to Find People to Make Friends
• How to Meet Interesting People
• How to Be the One an Only You
• How to Know when It's Time to Find New Friends
• How to Introduce Friends to Other Friends
• How to Feel More Like a Friend to Your Friends Than a Enemy
• How to Have Your "Me" Time
• How to Make Better Friends at School
• How to Feel Good Without Friends
• How to Make Good Friends in School
• How to Win Friends & Impress People
• How to Make Friends when You Don't Have Anyone
• How to Be a Good Friend on wikiHow
• How to Understand What People Want Now
• How to Make Sure Everyone Has a Friend
• How to Accept Your Boyfriend's Friends

Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Make Friends. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 Sources 

Gibbons, D. E. (2001). Experience as an art form. .New York, NY: Authors Choice Press.

Gibbons, D. E. (2000). Applied hypnosis and hyperempiria. Lincoln, NE: Authors Choice Press (originally published 1979 by Plenum Press).

Gibbons, D. E., & Lynn, S. J. (2010). Hypnotic inductions: A primer. in S. J. Lynn, J. W. Rhue, & I. Kirsch (Eds.) Handbook of clinical hypnosis, 2nd ed. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association, pp. 267-291.